How is this poem I wrote?
The concept of the poem is very interesting. Honestly, it simply looks like you tried a little too hard to rhyme and it hurts the rhythm. For instance, "clear were his intentions to me long ago i decided to spy and scan" is just awkward. Add some punctuation, periods and commas: I read her lips. Before I hit the brine, she uttered "I'm sorry"As I sank below the surface, peace was immenseIt breaks up instead of making such huge run-ons that are confusing. It can also help your rhythm. You could also break the poem into stanzas and break some of the lines into multiple ones. The great thing about poetry is you really don't have to follow some closed form. You can be creative, you can use white space around the poem, and you really don't have to have a rhyme scheme. My big suggestion: read the poem out loud and take notes about what works when you're reading it and what doesn't. Where should there be a pause, a stop, a line break? There should be a "flow" to your words. I'd be happy to review it and help you polish it into the piece you want it to be. Don't be discouraged... writing takes practice and work.
How can I find out who wrote this poem?
Here’s what I found using web searches:The poem won a prize in the NYC Elementary Schools a few years prior to 2009. It was written by a 4th grader in New York City.These folks might know: Poem In Your PocketYou could try contacting the subway company’s marketing dept.Madeline Schwartzman might know: Poems by New Yorkers -You might find it here: Modern Award-winning Subway Poetry : All PoetryHope that’s useful.
Can you tell me how is this poem I wrote?
Sulagna has already nailed it. I tried modifying first two lines and then scrolled down to see it's exactly what she has suggested. Prose and poems are often, though not necessarily, distinguished by the order of the words. And 'Inversion' just happens to be my favorite figure of speech. (Inversion - Examples and Definition of Inversion)Look what's done to the second line - Original : people often don't get what they deserve,Inverted : Do not get people often, what they deserveOriginal one is a bland sentence. Apt for prose, not for poetry however. Employ inversion to get the poetic effect both in prose and poetry.Also, do not let Hindi idioms creep into your English creations. 'Life set hai meri' is what we usually hear in Hindi, there's no such term in English. 'Life is totally set' is comprehensible, but sounds limited to me in terms of imagination and language skills. Avoid such phrases. Think. Take a break. You will come with something better certainly. :)It's perfectly fine to opt for a slang if it maintains the rhythm and the length. Original : as and when people think that life is going to be totally set,more and more problems Is all that you get,Suggested : as and when people think life's gonna be set,more and more problems is all that they get,Don't force rhymes. Simply don't. Unless it sounds like a rhyming rap to you, avoid such rhymes. Think of different ways to frame the sentence. the effect of happiness lasts only for a while, like of rum,so if u are happy please beware coz there are bad times to come,For me, sentence ended at 'while'. 'Like of rum' seemed forced.Use metaphors and similes, Doesn't last too long, happiness is a rumRhymes should not decide the content of poem, it should be other way round. I have suffered the same disease. So please do avoid it.Avoid such common mistakes - Its and It's. 'when its day people wish it would be night,''when its sunny and hot, people want rain,'I'm certain you know the difference. Probably you missed typing the apostrophe or simply didn't care to put it. If you don't work hard on the poem, it comes across. Don't give us readers a chance to say so. You have the thoughts and imagination to write beautiful poems, rest assured. You have the raw material. All you need is technique now. Grammar and structure. And that comes from practice. Keep reading poems and pay attention to details, you'll only become better. :)Do keep writing. Not everyone has this gift. Best wishes :)
Do you like this poem I wrote?
So my bf's name is Tyrone and some bish named Sheniqua has been flirting with him. I feel like her sending this poem Roses are red Violets are blue Tyrone is mine He's sure not for you If by chance You take my place I will surely BREAK YOUR UGLY FACE
What is your opinion of this poem I wrote?
Could I simply say that my opinion of your poem that you wrote is that it is quite deep (pun intended).However, if you wanted critique or something particular to go on with, you should say that in the question. I’ll assume permission is given in the A2A for critique.The metaphor is good, a little unbalanced in the middle, but it holds although the shifting focus is a little confusing. When you start, it feels like you are talking about a person and their relationship to you, whereas at the end it feels like you are talking about inspiration by mentioning your muse. The two mix up together. Maybe there are two poems here trying to find form in the one set of words.Blank verse is probably good to keep metaphor in its place. Metaphor can be quite naughty sometimes.I like the alliteration and consonance scattered here and there. They give the words a soothing feeling, though there is a contrast with the wildness of the ocean which the salt water represents to me.There is the William Butler Yeats poem The Fish which has a related theme, though with a different approach and resolution.The FishALTHOUGH you hide in the ebb and flowOf the pale tide when the moon has set,The people of coming days will knowAbout the casting out of my net,And how you have leaped times out of mindOver the little silver cords,And think that you were hard and unkind,And blame you with many bitter words. [1]Footnotes[1] The Fish Poem by William Butler Yeats - Poem Hunter
SHOULD I GIVE THIS GIRL THIS POEM I WROTE?
dude its soooo romantic!!!!! love it!!!! yeah you should give it to her... it's not that she will hate you for giving it... just give it to her..... its worth a try.... and no harm!!! :)
How is this poem I wrote on nature?
It was indeed beautiful. A much required thing for people to know about nature is how beautiful it is and what peace this beauty encloses. Just a small suggestion, make it more deep, like whosoever reads it, imagines it, and connects with it. Like you defined nature as everyone sees it, define it in a way that no one sees it and that will connect more. I know you will surely make an excellent piece next. Hope to see more. Keep writing :)
Does this poem I wrote make sense?
The first stanza is actually pretty good! Unfortunately, the second stanza sucks the big one.Here's what to do if you'd like to go deeper into poetry.First you must abandon all literary pretense. This means no words for the sake of words alone. Don't center the text as if this prettifies your thought: just start at left margin like any other kind of writing.None of the special effects of poetry arise from the placement of text - rather they arise from the intrinsic content of the thoughts being expressed. Therefore every word must proceed from whatever internal reality motivates the Narrator's speech. The only time we speak is when we have something to say. Ergo, never allow your Narrator to speak unless she or he actually has something to say.It's fine for you as the author - as the poet - to babble as you do in S2: we authors generate some useful material by babbling at times. It's OK to babble as an author…but a Narrator *never* babbles…(unless, of course, to show someone speaking gibberish). Narrators who speak gibberish are generally not trusted by readers. Ergo, poets whose Narrators babble gibberish must learn to recognize the gibberish and cut it out completely! Here, in this poem, S2 is entirely gibberish through-and-through - therefore, Mr. Poet, S2 must be removed.So. Type freely for your first draft - free as a bird! Then go back to identify which words, phrases and sentences have actual meaning…which means they advance whatever story is being told by the text. Identify these good parts, keep them…cut everything else.**When you cut your work, throw the cuttings into a box for review some years later down the road. They might look better then.
What do you think about this poem I just wrote?
Nishant, you know I always enjoy your writing and this is no exception. The way you manage to draw the reader in with the descriptions- it is like we are there. I agree with Ajanta, the words are simple but crafted in such a way, you've taken the reader on a journey. We are able to feel what is going on. Brevity is the soul of wit, as they say, so it is not necessary to use fancy words. The pain is palpable and most of us can relate to what the main character is going through. Which is what poetry is about, isn't it? Even if the intent of the art was meant one way, most of us have had experiences where your words speak to us in such a way, it reminds us of a similar but different occasion in our own lives. Thank you for sharing your gift.