Thoughts on hitting your child for discipline?
With the Adrian Peterson thing and much controversy on people hitting their kids for discipline, it brought up this topic to me. I will share my stance and ask how everyone else feels on their stance. I personally feel the two keys to being a good parent is authority and respect. You have to have authority over your child so you can enforce things, and you have to have a respect for them and allow them to respect you back as someone to look up to. To enforce authority, I feel you have to be able to intimidate, which involves physical punishment. I'm not saying beat up your child, but I believe in hitting your child when they misbehave to enforce authority. Taking away a kids XBOX for a week doesn't do much other than have to hear them cry. At least physical is quick and easy. I do feel however you have to also show respect. Hitting your child but neglecting them doesn't work IMO, but hitting them and making yourself a respectable character to them does work. Many people I know were hit as kids and still respect their parents, and there are also people I know who were hit by nuns but never respected them so it never worked. So overall, I feel hitting is a good practice as long as you don't over do it. How does everyone else feel?
Diaper discipline, it right?
I've read about it. Some people say it's absolutely absurd. But I don't really know. It seems really good for me right now. I have an 8 year old daughter who wears diapers full Time because she can never make it to the potty and I don't have the time to wash all of her clothes., my 17 year-old daughter is in the experimentation and is beginning to get rebellious. Just last week I got a call she skipped school. And she has been wearing extremely inappropriate clothes and I suspect she's abusing inhalants. It seems more and more hopeless.
Should a formerly abused child maintain contact with their abuser?
Usually not it only reminds the survivor of the victim they once were. I tried to with my own mother and found myself becoming her servant. She used the same conditioning she had on me as a child. Sadly abusers do not wake up the day a child turns `18 and say well then I am letting go of the control I forced on ... . They simply adapt the abuse.In short going from victim to Thriver while in contact with the abuser is impossible.The Invisible Hurdles After Abuse.
I'm doing a speech and I need to know all I can about child abuse. So can anyone help me with this topic?
What type of abuse / certain kinds / all kinds...I could give you some specifics about what I know...but abuse is abuse...whether it's mental / physical / emotional / bullying...whatever the case maybe... you can get a lot of info off the internet...or try calling a placement agency that deals with kids this has happened to and see if a case worker / councelor can speak with you. They can't give you specific cases, but can help in answering some of your questions.
Why is child abuse wrong?
Adults are generally bigger, stronger, more experienced and smarter than children. And in particular, when a child is in an adult’s care, he or she is vulnerable to that adult. Adults have a responsibility to be reasonable in their discipline and match the severity and type of discipline to the offense. I believe spanking is justified when younger children do something they have been told not to do, or don’t do something they have been told to do. But caregivers need to listen to the child first and find out WHY the child acted or didn’t act. There might be a valid reason, or at least one a child would think valid.Discipline aside, hurting a child because you are in a bad mood or enjoy causing pain is just plain wrong. Children are not anyone’s property. You can’t treat them like a piece of wood you bought. That’s why most societies, including the United Nations, have banned child abuse and agreed that children have human rights - to be fed properly, given sufficient water, clothing, education, and health care, and to not work but have time to play. Giving children a list of tasks to do after school, such as cleaning their room, does not violate these rights. Forcing a child to do hours of heavy manual labour does. There may be some work given to children that falls in a grey area in between those extremes. Local authorities would have to judge that based on what is normal and usual in their society, and what, if any, harm was caused to child’s mental or physical health.
Is it child abuse if I pin my teenager to the ground and hold him there until he calms down?
Is it child abuse if I pin my teenager to the ground and hold him there until he calms down?My teenager is incredibly defiant. When he throws a verbal tantrum, I feel that the only way I can get a handle on him is to drag him to the floor and hold him there for a minute or two. It doesn’t leave any marks and it seems to do the trick.Oh my god….. I'm sorry, I'm just shocked. If my father or mother had done this to me, I would have called the police and defax.This is not acceptable. What are you thinking? Holding someone down because they argue with you?You're acting like the child here. You're acting like a dictator and abusing your child just because you don't like someone arguing with you.I wonder where your teenager learned how to argue and yell as you call a “verbal tantrum”. Probably from you because your behavior says to me that you just don't like someone else standing up to you. So you do anything in your power to get them to back down.Your behavior is unacceptable. Your behavior is childish and mentally damaging. If I were your child, and calling the police didn't do anything, I would do anything in my power just to ride things out until I'm 18 peacefully leave and never return or speak to you again.What you are doing is most certainly abuse. How would you like it if every time you disagreed with someone they wrestled you to the ground?He learned this behavior from you.Doing this is destroying your relationship with your child and destroy your child's self esteem. Doing this can and most certainly will cause depression in your child. From you getting physical with your child like this could cause a multitude of disorders like anxiety, paranoia, PTSD, and more.If I were your child, I would have thoughts about suicide. It is not healthy to force your child to submission physically unless they are about to die.Ever.Do not be surprised if they never speak to you again the moment they can get out of your house.You caused this.
Would you divorce your partner if your child said that they had been abused by them?
My teenager did lie about this and her allegations were proven to be false. She did it in retaliation because, my boyfriend let me know when she came home from school early with a boy and took him back to her room. He didn’t feel it was his place to discipline her so he just let me know when he saw something out of line.She was drug addict and has been in trouble with the law since she was a teenager. That being said, mom kids won’t lie about such a thing, but you do need to look at the whole picture. Is this a young child, if so then not likely to be lying about it. Regardless of age, I would take child to doctor to be checked out and contact police.But I would do it from a safe place, not at home. If it is true, You may be tempted to kill your partner. Don’t do it. Remember your child needs you there to help them get through this.
Should contact between abusive men and their children or partner be encouraged when it is safe and appropriate?
I don’t see why it should be encouraged - if the child wants to see their father that is different. I studied social work and specialised in domestic violence and its affects on children. Contact after the violence when partners are no longer in a relationship are often used to abuse further.Men who abuse are often very focused on controlling their family, esp former partner, and I believe that this is often what drives them in wanting to see their children, not love. I have heard of numerous occasions where a man has insisted on his rights, and when the children are with him he ignores them, drinks, uses drugs, or just passes them on to another family member (usually his mother).It is very difficult to determine what is safe. Violent men not uncommonly hurt or kill their children to punish the mother. After these terrible incidents there will always be an outcry as to how he was allowed to be with the children on his own. The answer is usually that there was not sufficient signs that the man was prepared to do such violence. There are ways you can determine likelihood, but inevitably there is no foolproof way.Appropriate? This goes back to what the child wants. I knew of a girl who had seen her mother murdered by her father when she was 10. Age 15 she decided she wanted to see him. There were family members unhappy about her decision, but it was deemed appropriate - he was in prison, so it was safe, and she was 15 so deemed old enough to make that decision. She didn’t want to have a relationship with him, she just wanted answers.
Is threatening to give your child bruises abuse?
It’s ok to threaten a minor child with physical violence (spanking for example), but not once the kid turns 18. Seems odd, doesn’t it? Actually, such sanctions reflect a discriminatory prejudice against children.Adults want and need protections against threats to their well-being, kids remain fair game.A parent who would threaten their child by hitting them to the point of causing bruises is a dysfunctional parent who lacks parenting skills.(Although actually carrying through with such a threat IS Child Abuse given that observable physical injury has been inflicted.)