How do I help my children with the loss of their father.?
His death was almost 3 years ago and with the holidays passing they are missing him a lot and I don't know how to assure them of how they are feeling or how to help them understand some of those feelings. We lost him suddenly to cancer, from diagnosis to the time of his death was about 2 weeks so they never got the chance to adjust to him being sick or to get prepared for the loss of him. Also I don't know if I can actually help them because I never really greived when he passed I was and am still so angry that he was taken so suddenly. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. To add one more thing his parents are starting to shut my children out and treat them differently than before. It has always been that way but it has gotten worse, how do I help them cope with that?
What is it like to lose a child or a loved one?
I’ve come to view grief as the final responsibility of loving someone.See: Distillation of grief by Peter Ratcliffe on Navigating GriefA loss can be timely or untimely with variations relative to our expectations. We must expect and accept that our parents will die before we do, but there is a huge emotional difference between a parent’s death at age 40 and a parent;s death at age 90.The death of a child of any age is never timely, so it is the hardest to reconcile to acceptance. A child is the parent’s ultimate “loved one”, the challenges of grief from loss of a child are exponentially harder. The death of a child can come from conception onward. Miscarriages and stillbirth are as painful and complicated as losing an adult child.It’s hopes and dreams that complicate grief.When we lose loved one, we lose the dreams and plans we had imagined where we would share parts of our life with that person in happiness. As we pass through our life without that loved one, we will have many reminders of our loss and opportunities to miss those dreams.Death of a loved one will intrude on your life at times, reminding you of the pain. Walking my beautiful daughter down the aisle at her wedding was both joyous and impossibly painful. We had lost here only sibling, our son, her brother, a couple of years prior when he was twenty in a firefighter training accident. He should have been with us in celebration at her wedding, we should have had dreams of his wedding.Losing loved ones is part of life. Those of us who are blessed with many loving relationships will experience more loss than those who have no friends. I think we need to accept the pain and complexity of loss as an affirmation that we have lived and loved well, and as a responsibility to carry and share those feelings and memories into the next generations.Death is commonly viewed as a failure, but we will all die. Sometimes we do fail and cause our own death or the death of others, but the vast majority of us will live and die at the fickle whim of an entirely random Universe that we are blessed to inhabit.Living and loving are extensions of the simple empty existence we are born into. The grief of loss is the price we must pay for loving well and through grief we better understand what we love about life.
How do you help a loved one cope with the loss of their parent?
1. Let them know that you're there for them if they need anything. Just say it once, don't keep asking them if they want to talk. It's great to know you care, but pity feels degrading.2. Try to let them continue their life as usual. They're probably going to need a place where they can forget about it all for a little bit and just do something familar with a friend.3. Don't complain about your own parents, no matter what it's about or how much it sucks for you. The reason should be self explanatory.4. Give them time. Don't ask them when they'll be back at work/school/social life. It feels like pressure. If it takes a long time, you could check if they're getting help from a doctor or therapist, in case they have a depression that needs treatment.5. Don't think you know what it feels like, even if you've been in the exact same situation yourself. When my dad died, all of a sudden everyone felt the need to tell me about when their dog died. It doesn't compare. Even if you've lost a parent yourself, don't expect them to feel and cope in the same ways you did.This is just based on my own experiences, others might have completely different needs.
How can I help my children cope in a healthy way after losing a very close relative?
Explain to your child that this relative will always remain in their hearts. They will always be able to remember the great things that they did together and most importantly any wisdom that was shared. I worked with an 18 year old many years ago who lost four of her close friends in in the previous two years. While she was in trance I had her work through the loss of each of them one at a time. I had her reflect on the above idea of the friendship and the things that she learned from each of them. When she returned a week later, she reported that she felt the friend of hers that played ice hockey on her team was with her through the games and felt the love of the others at other times.I have done similar work with older people and younger people over the years, and it is always the same. The healing that occurs is miraculous allowing them to go on knowing that these loved one’s are always going to be a part of them, regardless of the loss.
How do we help our children get over the very sudden death of our beloved puppy?
It’s hard to console young children over the death of a puppy. You can be honest with them and tell them that sometimes puppies get so sick they can’t get well and they die. If a child is old enoug he will understand that death is permanent. Younger children may not understand. You can tell them that it’s okay to cry and to miss the puppy and that you’re sad, too.I’d wait until things calmed down before considering another dog. This time, don’t shop, adopt. There are literally millions of dogs in shelters looking for good homes. There are dogs of all sizes, personalities, temperaments, long or short coats, big, small, and in between. Go visit the shelter without the kids and talk to the shelter staff about which dogs would make good family dogs and choose several. When you go back with the kids, show only these dogs to them and hope that one of the dogs will bond with one of your kids, or you. That’s the dog that’s been looking for you. An older dog, while not as cute as a puppy, may be a better choice as they are more settled, may already been house trained and trained to walk on a leash.I know how crushing itis for the kids to lose a pet. Give them lots of hugs and kisses, and try to console them if they continue to grieve. But you won’t freak them out if you cry with them. It’s okay for you to be sad, too.
What can parents do to help children reach their potential in school?
Marilyn vos Savant: Is this fabulous, or what?! We finally have a way to communicate with each other about the most important things in our lives--and maybe even the most important things in the world. What we need to do now is to keep it growing, and the good folks who are running this show will see that they've got a vehicle that can change the way the world works. What a ride this is going to be!
How do dads deal with losing their children in a divorce?
Fathers should never love their children.I know that everybody will crucify me for mentioning such a drastic statement. But wait, hear my story first.I have been married for 11 years and we have a most loving son, Paavan(name changed) who is 6 years old now. The differences between me and my wife were less initially, but gradually they became wide and came to a point where we could not live under one roof and thus separated.I am a person who is a bit extra sensitive, working in a good MNC, earning a handsome salary and also look much better also than others. The same case also goes with my wife. The differences lie in nature. Where I have very few friends and talk less and less ambitious, my wife has a huge network, ambitious, always demanding, impulsive, likes finding faults in me and learnt how to use a bad tongue.Friends, acquaintances and even theories suggested that instead of living together and always fighting, it is better to separate as it would be good for the both the partners and even the child. So, she called up her parents from their native place, took up another house on rent in the same colony and shifted along with Paavan.But, here comes the catch. We have a darling child and we both adore him and he also loves both of us equally. I am a child man and realized that what makes me happy is when I bring a smile on Paavan’s face. I have always been taking care of him and taking him to places where he can enjoy ie Swimming pool, railways museum, science museum, zoo, water park, games parlors and different indoor and outdoor games so that he be happy. After separation also, since he was in same colony and wife minded less, I used to take him alone at such places. Even when we were together, I had been a responsible person and helped in getting the kid ready for school, dropping him at bus stop, school homework and everything.Now, my wife switched her job, switched his school and shifted to Gurgaon taking her parents and Paavan along. Now, I feel whatever little happiness was with me has also gone. Moreover he also longs for me. I also think that who are we to spoil his life. I am refusing to move on because of my love and concern of my child.Only If I had not loved him that much that things would not have been that difficult.
Whats more painful? Losing a child or losing a parent?
Losing a parent is, in some way, expected. You know that at some point they will grow old and die. That is the circle of life. It doesn't make it any easier but it's easier to accept as a fact of life. A parent should NEVER have to bury their child. That is not the way the circle of life is intended to be and by far that is a greater loss because it is never expected. No parent ever sits down and thinks "Someday my child will grow old and die" because by that age the parent should already be gone. I would die of a broken heart if I ever had to bury my child.
What makes you live after your only child died?
although there are many answers to your question already, i also want to add something. the worst thing that can happen to a mother or a father is the death of a child. fate struck you very badly and it will take a long time for you to overcome this and recover. it may cause you to lose your belief in god, in justice and in life in general. you need to learn to accept that it happened to you of all people, you need to undergo the mourning process, the desperation process, the anger process and finally reach the stage of acceptance. but you must know, there is light at the end of the tunnel. throwing away your own life is not the answer. it does not bring back your child, it does not help you and it would mean a big loss for people who love you. there are people who love you. although you may not have lose family members, killing yourself will hurt and harm others. you are not the only one, the same catastrophe has happened to other mothers too in all history. you owe it to your child that your memory of your child lives on, that your love for this child lives on, that your child will not be forgotten forever. maybe you can find a group of people who have lived through a similar tragedy - i do not know what they are called in english, in german they are called "selbsthilfegruppen", and they do help.a group like the AA, but specifically for your situation and not for alcohol. i wish i could take you into my arms. of acceptance.