My adult son (28) who lives at home with us refuses to clean his room even when asked multiple times. It's not that he's rude about it, he just seems incapable of completing the task. What do I do?
It’s time to stop infantilizing him. If he doesn’t listen to you, nor respect you by following your wishes under your own roof, it’s because he doesn’t have to. If you follow through on any ultimatums you give him, then he’ll take you seriously and change. If he doesn’t change, he should leave. It’s for his own good.Many years ago, I once went out with one of those infantilised men. It was a truly horrible experience. I felt sorry for both him and his parents.Tell him once more that he must keep the room in good condition, and that from now on you’re going to invite a visitor on a weekly basis to come and look at it (can be a friend, or older, respected member of the family). He doesn’t listen to what you say, but shame might move him to pay attention to what an outsider thinks of the space he lives in.If they disapprove, then he must leave within one month. He can stay with friends, or get his own place.That way he will be free to live under his own rules and can do what he wants. Whether it’s living in a pigsty as he currently does, or tidying up, as he should as a responsible adult.THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!If he still doesn’t pay attention to what you’ve said, pack up his things into a series of boxes, and put them outside on the pavement. He will be upset, but he will be perfectly fine.A grown man who is pushing 30 years of age has - or will be able to quickly find - the resources to sort his life out.If he doesn’t, then his problems run way deeper than dealing with a messy room, and it may be time to talk to a medical professional about dealing with depression, as the mess may be a manifestation of that. But don’t let him use that as an excuse to live a clean life!EDIT:I recommended the weekly inspection suggestion specifically because I’ve SEEN it work before in a pretty extreme case of a person whose self-care and hygiene were out of control. They were embarrassed as hell when visitors came round and saw how they were living, and cleaned up their act completely, prompted by the shame. So I’m speaking from personal experience.
My boyfriend is 24 and still lives at home?
He has a solid full time job waiting at a restaurant and makes really good money. He knows he's not going to be a waiter forever, which is a good thing, but he just seems a little old to be living at home...don't u think? He's an only child and is VERY close with his family. His dad is one of his closest friends and he's a bit of a mamas boy, but I kinda like that about him. We've been together for almost 2 years now. I'm 19 and IM almost ready to move out!!! Is it normal for him to be living at home this old? I mean...he pays his own gas, phone bill, ect. He's not just mooching off his rents, he's responsible and stuff. But whenever I try and talk to him about him moving out, he always clams up and tells me to "live in the moment" and we'll worry about it when the time comes. Our views on location and house types are totally opposite, which worries me, but at least he knows he's gunna move out..right? And when I said "I just really don't want u to be 27 and still living at home" he said "oh god no...that won't happen babe" he is SUCH a phenomenal guy and we're so in love....our future just worries me..cause our views are so different.... Any advice? Is he too old to be living at home? Should I be worried about our future home and apartment views are different? Thanks everyone! It's my first post...please be nicexo
How to deal with rude and nosey mother in law?
My husbands mother moved 20 minutes from where we live and she has been working my last nerves. Primarily due to being nosey and not knowing what she is talking about. When I was 19 I got a job opportunity to go overseas and make about 450 thousand a year. I'm 27 now and did this all the way up until about a year ago when I had our son. So I was able to solidify my family not ever having to hurt for money. He owns his own business and can stand on his own as well. I do some off and on things from home but for the most part the last year I haven't worked. He already told me his mother is hard to get along with but it wasn't until she started coming over that I realized. She always has a comment. Tonight she was bold enough to tell me that i'm just lazy and not that much of a women because i'm depending on him. Then even went as far to say that playing mommy but can't even take care of myself if my husband ever left. I swear if she wasn't my elder I'd let her have it but needless to say I told her to get out. According to my husband I should tell her how it is because she is one of those people that you have to either prove wrong or just snap on before they get it and stop but my thought is, my finances is none of her damn business. Even if I was "lazy and playing mommy", why is it her place to say? At the end of the day i'm still married to her son and have her grandchild. Am I wrong? Advice is needed PLEASE We've been married a year and our son is 2 months
Why do a lot of people think that to live with your parents is bad?
There are some legitimate reasons to it, and some irrelevant.For some, it’s because parents have always seen them as a kid, no matter if they are 6 foot tall, or a hot shot for the outside world. Hence, as that kid grows, he/she would like to make some decisions, that makes them feel good. But since some parents are still stuck upon the very thought that it’s their KID, that would be difficult.For some, it’s to have their own space. Surprisingly, that’s a phrase mostly used to relationship stuff. But this is very much applicable to the current question too. As children, we want to have a space that belongs us, that is in accordance to us. And with parents, in a family, that would be a difficult thing to do. That’s why you would see many, not mostly, complaining about life after marriage, in a joint family.For some, living with parents is an obstruction to all the crap they wanna do, out of the vibes that they get from the outside world. For example, With parents, you can’t go drunk weirdly, smoke freely or do any such “shouldn’t be done in front of parents” stuff. So that’s why, these people are so very much against the idea of living with parents.For rest, they are just following the over hyped, totally corrupted meaning of the word Independent. Yes, living with your parents makes you dependent, you’re not self-sufficient, asking money from them shall make you a shrewd, under performing offspring. Atleast according to people. This people are blinded by an idea, which is being followed by many people, for totally different reasons as compared to the definition they provide.Overall, I love staying with my parents, and involving them more or less in every aspect of my life. Apparently, life is spelled as FAMILY for me ;)
How do I deal with my rude hurtful arrogant 24 year old son?
Since you did not provide any details, my answer will have to be vague as well.You deal with him as little as possible. At 24, he is no longer your daily responsibility. He should be consumed with work and/or school and have little time left to annoy his parent. If he does not live with you, ask him to leave your home each time he disrespects you. If you are at his place, get up and leave immediately. And follow through with it.If he does live with you, it is more difficult. He needs to be made to understand that he is no longer welcome to live with you while treating you disrespectfully. Stop all financial support, he can live without phone, cable, laundry, internet, meals and all the other perks he is enjoying by living with you. You may need to get backup from other family members to get him out.Make it clear that when he grows up and treats you with respect, he is welcome again.
My boyfriend's mom HATES me.?
I'm 27 and I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now.He is spaniard & we live in spain . She has always been socially awkward with me & never really friendly, but after me and my boyfriend broke up and got back together she has told him that She does not want to see me in her house ever again! . I've gone to their family christmas the last 2 years and this year she told him I am not allowed. I think she has always been waiting for an excuse to get rid of me, she is very immature and she was very rude to me infront of her son, telling him "what is she doing here" after I re-appeared from not having been to his house in a while... my boyfriend told me that he defended me & told his mom that she was rude to me , but that she told him I cannot ever go back to his house... I am hurt because I know my mom would never be such an immature woman, like his mom is and I kinda dont want to be anywhere near her either, after this even I think she is a disgusting woman to me. I am alone & in my boyfriends country, I have no family here. she has no reason to hate me, when she is a stay at home wife who has never worked a day in her life & stays with a man who cheats on her out of economic & financial convinience. (yes her husband has cheated on her my boyfriend tells me all of their family problems) not sure what to do at this point but just let him handle this situation or should I try to talk to her myself?
My boyfriend is 27 years older than me...?
My boyfriend is 49 years old, and i'm 22. We've known each other and been friends for the last two years and just started dating about five or six months ago. And I have to say I'm so happy and have never been in a happier relationship. I love him very very very much. But my friends and family aren't very pleased with the whole situation. My friends have been gossiping about me to their friends and our co-workers saying I'm disgusting, or he's a cradle robber, or I'm a gold digger, which I'm not because I make six figures a year and I think that's pretty steady money. The whole reaction I'm getting from other people is hurtful, and i know I shouldn't care what other people think, but it's hard not to when they say things like this. Is this age difference really that horrible?