Is there more of a social stigma against being a single father than a single mother?
I think women get the short end of the stick on this one. They are looked at as $luts or an easy lay. Also the idea of dating a single mom and knowing you will have to take care of a kid that is not your is a turn off to some guys. The reason why men are looked up on this situation is first , men are not considered natural nurturers. So a guy doing his best to take care of their kids is looked at more kindly. Woemn we treat harsher because it should be natural to them...or says society. They should be able to do it all (what a joke!) The other thing is, it's mostly the guys who run off and leave the kids behind who create these single moms. The fact a guy decided to take his kids rather than "run free" shows he does love his kids. Yes there is a double standard. Ultimately its a reflection on male responsibility in our society. UPDATE: To you comment about no one wants to date a man with kids. First it comes down to the kind of woman the guy is dating. If they are looking for a party girl, then the idea of being strapped down with kids would be a turn off for them. Also some women are afraid that they will be in intruder to the kids and never really be their mom. Lastly there is always the biological mom that shows up for visitation and for some women, they don't want the ex to ever be apart of their lives with their husband. Its all about the kind of woman a guy is looking targeting to date in the first place. There are women that love the whole rebuilt family setup as long as the ex-wife is out of the picture. Its also a matter maturity on women who can handle it.
Financial compensation for adoptees and mothers?
Sure. That's a great idea. About a million dollars would be fair. It would pay for therapy. But why are just the adopters paying it? The natural mother's family should pay compensation because in many cases they were the ones who put pressure on their daughters to give up their babies. Women who signed away their rights without being coerced should pay for emotional damage to their children. Parents who had their children taken away by social services should of course pay damages too.
What is it like for a male child to grow up without a father?
It very much depends upon the nature of the father. I did suffer in some ways, I had no male role model to look up to or learn from and growing up with my mother and older sister I became socialized to older women very well, but not at all to older males or men. It took me years to be able to converse naturally with other men but I could always talk openly with women.Having said that I think that if my father had stayed (left when I was 8, saw very little of him for several years before that) then due to both our characters we would have had a lot of disagreements and it would likely have turned aggressive at some point. There was also the bad feelings and trouble between him and my mother which affected both me and my sister. Had that gone on for years and years more than I think there would have been a lot more damage than not having him around as I was growing up.I have dated several single mothers with young boys. Each of those boys looked up to me as a role model and the mothers told me they had to be very careful as their sons got attached to her partners very quickly. I think it is natural for a young boy to look for a male role model of father figure and necessary for optimum development. You see kids copying their parents precisely some times, it's the natural way to learn.Growing boys also need that firm hand to show them where the boundaries are that they cannot cross. Kids and teenagers test the boundaries by pushing against them, it can be very hard for a single mother to provide enough resistance to curb a growing teenage boy who is just finding his manhood.
Why would a birth mother not want to be reunited with the child she gave up for adoption?
I can answer as a birth mother. I had a daughter in 1967 and a son in 1968. I gave them both up for adoption because I was not ready to be a mother. I thought sex equaled love and I was looking for love. I found out too late that I was wrong. I was too immature to raise a child, not financially able to raise a child and I had no clue what to do about it. I decided to give my children up for adoption because it was the best option for them.My daughter was adopted by friends of a friend so I knew her name and that the couple would be returning to Chicago from CA, where the man was stationed in the Army. After about 40 years I decided to try to see if she was on Facebook. I found her there and sent her an e-mail telling her about me and the situation and that if she wanted to contact me it is OK. I would give her the health information about my family if she needed it.I turned out that she was never told she was adopted. She always knew she was different from her parents. They had dark straight hair; she had reddish curly hair. There were other hints as well. So it was pretty much a shock to her to hear about me. I left it up to her what contact we would have because I didn’t want to make her life hard for her. We keep in touch infrequently by Facebook. It turns out she likes a lot of the same things that I do and that is a thrill for me.She seems to be very happy in her life and I don’t want to make waves for her so I don’t push for any other contact with her. I don’t want to make her life difficult just so I can ease my conscience. I feel I did the right thing by allowing this couple who couldn’t have a child a child naturally take mine.My son was adopted through an agency so I know nothing about him at all. I sometimes think about contacting the agency, but I don’t think they are open anymore. Then I think that I might be the same situation; that he may not have been told he was adopted and I don’t want to make it difficult for him. I know I gave him more of an opportunity to be raised better and always hope that was the case, but I doubt that I will ever know for sure. And I am OK with that.EDIT: My son contacted me last week and he is very glad that he was brought up by the people who adopted him. Yay! Two for two.
A new mother had chicken pox as a child why doesn't her newborn infant get the disease even after being expos?
Wait....what? that's like asking...My mom had a cold 13 yrs ago, why haven't i gotten it then? the mother had ckn pox as a CHILD and you are wondering why her baby some odd 20-30 yrs later doesn't get it? well for one, the mother doesn't' HAVE ckn pox now so the baby isn't exposed to the diseases to start with. and second, since mom had it as a kid she built up a natural immunity to the disease and passed that immunity on to her baby if she is breast feeding. you have to be around someone with an ACTIVE case of ckn pox in order to contract it. i have 4 kids, i had ckn pox as a 5 yr old. NONE of my kids has ever had it. my two oldest kids had the ckn pox vaccine at age 2, and my 2 yr old daughter just got hers, my 10 mon old will get his at 2 yrs as well, but until then my immunity that i give in my breast milk keeps my 10 mon old from getting it as an infant.
How come adopted people start looking like their adopted parents?
Just like when two ppl have been in a long term relationship. ANd at some point they begin to look alike. lol Or when you meet a person for the first time & nothing about them is interesting at all. But the more you get to know of that person or be around them. You find out or see how nice of a person they are. Then you begin to think or see them as being "not-so-bad-looking" .... I don't know the exact terminology for it but I do know it does happen.
Could a (birth) mother ever forget about the child whom she gave up for adoption?
My wife was adopted, and she had no interest at all in finding her birth mother, even when she found her birth mother’s name in the adoption records that she found after her adoptive mother passed away. Her birth mother made no attempt to contact her.I was a Labor and Deliver nurse. I once cared for a woman who had been gang-raped by some bikers. She chose adoption because she feared that her baby would be a daily reminder of her brutal rape. She spent two days with the baby, signed the adoption papers and was discharged. The baby had to stay an extra day because its bilirubin was elevated. Twenty-four hours later, the mother came back to the hospital, cancelled the adoption and took her baby home.We once got a transfer from a remote rural hospital of a woman who presented to their ER saying that she had appendicitis. The ER Dr. examined her and asked her when her baby was due. She said, “What do you mean? I’m not married.” The Dr. said, “Married or not, you’re pregnant.” She said, “That’s not possible. I’m a virgin.” Because he didn’t know if the baby was premature, and his hospital didn’t have a Level III nursery, he transferred her to our hospital, which is the Regional Perinatal Referral Center.She maintained that she wasn’t pregnant, and had an explanation for all her symptoms. Her stomach was enlarged because she had “gained a lot of weight recently.” The fact that you could readily see the baby move was explained away as “I’ve had the worst gas for the last few months.” She continued to deny the pregnancy until she delivered.It later turned out that she was a preacher’s daughter. Right after high school, she started working as a secretary at the real estate office of a family friend. Her married employer seduced her. When he determined that she was pregnant, he promptly fired her. She went into full denial mode and hid the pregnancy from her parents. Her parents begged her to keep the baby, but she gave it up for adoption. When we discharged her she said, “I just want to forget that this ever happened.”
Is it wrong for a grandchild to look for a birth grandparent, if the parent is not able to/can't/refuses?
First - add your details to the registries here http://www.isrr.net/ http://registry.adoption.com/ Check here for information - perhaps even contact for search help - http://www.originscanada.org/ Check here for other search help - and links to search angels - http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/ I wish you all the very best with the search. You don't need to have a reason - apart from wanting to know where your mother came from. She is part of who you are.