How to not blame myself about my parents divorce?
ok dont make fun of me thats not what i came on here for i already get enough of that as it is. how do i get the thought of my parents divorcces out of my head thinking it was my fault. it happened right after i was born. my dad let it slip that i was a mistake. am i the reason or( mistake) that mad them get a divorce. it gets in the way of relationships now because i try to hard and get to up tight because i dont want to get divorced when i get married. ive heard nothing but fighting from my parents and i misss the one im not with.please help this is really getting to me
My parents fight, and I get the blame.?
My parents fight all the time, it's like my mom is paranoid he is messing around and it's like she tries to plant stuff on him so it looks like he is but he isn't. So they constantly fight and I, being the oldest of 2 kids, gets in trouble for it. After a fight, my mom throws stuff at me, hits me sometimes, tells me that I can't do anything right, and blames me for everything. I could be sitting somewhere minding my own business and all the sudden she comes out screaming about how I'm sitting or something. I'm so fed up with it, I'm 15, so I can't leave. I can't take it anymore, so much I have started to cut myself and have thought that if I just was gone forever, and killed myself, everything would end and I wouldn't have to deal with all this. I need help, what can I do?
Do you blame your parents for being ugly?
First, don't get so hung up on the idea that you are ugly. It is your inner confidence and charisma that really determine your out word appearance to people. I'm assuming that you must have spent way too much time looking at photoshopped pictures of models in magazines to feel this way. Just go to places like the grocery store, the coffee shop, the park, and the museum and look at the people around you. THEY are the ones who look normal, not the people in the magazines. Here is a pretty good video that can explain it better than I can. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP31r70_Q... Also, if you are a girl, you could look up ways to use make up to bring out your best features. There should be books at your library that can show you how to put on make up to match your face shape, eye shape, brow shape, etc. Remember, beautiful bodies come in many different shapes and sizes. So love your body, rock the world. P.S.- I read in the book "The Science of Kissing" by Sheril Kirshenbaum that big lips have been attractive to humans for thousands of years. You should appreciate what you have, especially if it works to your advantage. ;)
Does blaming your parents help?
Absolutely. It helps keep you from maturing and allows you to avoid responsibility, until you decide that only you can heal you. No matter what or who in life harms you, only you can heal you. Even in the incredibly rare instance that your abuser recognizes what they did and apologizes, you and only you still have to parent yourself and do the work to create a healthy self and life.I want to be clear, that real, awful, even horrendous things do happen to children that should never happen. And no one, even your siblings have the same experience as you did. Over time different stressors bring out behaviors in parents that may not have happened to other siblings. And one child may and often does take the brunt of the abuse. Also, some children use denial to avoid pain and never acknowledge even to themselves what happened. And some of us can't pretend and use denial. The one who tells, is treated with scorn and hatefulness typically, because they are touching a wound the others can not and will not touch or genuinely are clueless about. It feels very alone, but as you get stronger and take charge of your life, shifts can happen. Still, you can only ever choose your life, not what anyone else does or should do.But as quickly as you can get really good treatment that is compassionate but helps you take charge of your life. And boundary work is critical for every person who had no boundaries in their childhood.All the best
I blame myself with my fathers death..?
How frightening and sad this accident was for you? It sounds like your searching for questions like why God allowed this to happen to my dad? A teen who asks why someone had to die probably isn't looking for literal answers, I believe your starting to explore the idea of the meaning of life.Your also starting to experience some guilt, particularly since the death hit home. Whatever your experiencing, the best thing you can do is to do exactly what your doing and that's getting answers to your why questions. I encourage you to express yourself in the sharing of grief it helps. Keep Your head up cause your dad is looking down at you smiling and saying he has raised a Real Hero that will shine! shine! shine! :-) Keep your head up kid! God Bless!
I blame myself for my daughters pregnancy?
My youngest daughter is pregnant. She's only 16 years old a junior in high school. Maybe I was naive because at 16 I wasn't having sex? I blame myself so much for her getting pregnant. I ask myself constantly what more could I have done to prevent this? Did I not do a good enough job? I never allowed them in the bedroom alone or to be at the house when nobody was home. I have 3 other children 1 son & 2 other daughters & they never wound up pregnant!! I've heard parents say "she's too busy with her job" or "thank God my daughter isn't doing those things" or whisper behind our backs at my sons games (hes a senior in HS) I wonder how she is going to deal with being bullied when she begins to "show" I cry almost daily & constantly blame myself for this. Am I a bad mom? Are these feelings normal? Why our family? How did this happen??
Should I blame myself for my Mom's death? How do I overcome my guilt?
Wow! Please do not blame yourself at all. That is just your mom's death coming at a very bad time for you emotionally. My mom died 4 years ago after a 5 year battle with cancer herself and she was also my bestfriend and total confidant! You on the other hand at least were able to see her thru the tough times and the good times...I could not as she lived one state over with my stepdad. Please cherish and remember all the good you did have with her. It kills me endlessly that I could not be there for my mom but I know my stepdad was wonderful. She was a brave woman and supported me emotionally with my endless life issues. I did not have that kind of relationship with my Dad and Step-mom when my Mom was alive (she was my lifeline) and there are still times when I miss her advice, voice and caring way but I can now talk to my other parents as I did her and I find comfort in that. Please know that you were deserved by her and she was deserved by you. How you talk about your relationship only brings me fond memories of my mom and I will thank you for that even tho you are hurting now. You are not alone!
Why does my parents blame me on everything?
After I started high school my parents hates me and blames me for everything. My parents wouldn't let me go out by myself and says that my friends are the worst and my attitude is from them. Everytime I go out with my friends they all ways follow me and my mom doesn't even go to work or even bother for college, simply wasting her time following me around. My dad on the other hand, asks me if I know how to solve this problem or not. And if I gave him a no, he would throw stuff at me and say I can't solve the simplest things. Most of the time when I do go out, I try to make some spare cash and do some volunteering but most of the time my mom follows me there because she thinks I would be a slut and go out with all the guys I work with. This summer I made $300 by working and my mom took my money saying she would keep it safe. When I finally said I want to save my money and deposit it in the bank, she already spend my cash on make up and other useless junk (in my opinion). I had enough at that point so I brought up that how lazy she was and how it was my fault that she can't get a job and so on. I don't know how to solve this problem and I want to move out of the house as soon as possible but that is going to take at least 3 years. How can I change my parents prospective of me?