Why do adopted children feel its so important to find their biological parents?
I wasn't adopted but I did adopt my daughter. I completely understand why children would want to find their birth parents/families. Those of us who are biologically related to our parents know exactly where we came from. We know who our grandparents/great grandparents/cousins/etc. are and that we all came from the same place. We know that cousin Sue looks just like Grandma X but brother Bill looks like Grandpa Y. We know that Uncle Z died of heart disease so we need to take care of ourselves. We know Aunt Q had breast cancer so we get tested and make sure we're screened regularly. We have relatives who were heroes or deserters in all the great wars. We have a long history. Children who were adopted, while loved and raised by parents who loved them, may have a need to search for that history. Look at all the people who are really into genealogy. It's all about history. There are just as many people who couldn't give two whits for genealogy and just as many adopted children who have no need to find their birth families. I have no problem with my daughter searching for her birth mother, if she ever chooses to do so. In fact, I have already started looking to make it easier. I also want to make sure that it won't be painful for her. She's very proud of her heritage and we study the country of her birth in depth. Unfortunately, not all birth mothers are that happy, carefree, young girl who was forced to "give up" her baby and regrets it every day. She may not have loved that baby at all. She may not have cared. I would never say anything negative to my daughter about her birth mother but I will not allow her to be hurt by her birth mother, either. I try to be very respectful of her. Each year on my daughter's birthday we take a private moment together and have a special small cake for her birth mother with one candle. My daughter picks out the cake and decorates it. This year she baked it (with help from me, of course). We make a wish that her birth mother is healthy, happy, safe, and loved. We thank her for our family. Then we blow out the candle together to send the wish out into the world.
My parents continue to disrespect my wife. What are my options?
Basically, my parents have had a track record of language that expresses why my wife as the wrong choice for me. We have a beautiful boy (less than a year of age). I get hurt everytime my parents express negativity of my wife because I love her, and she's my choice; as a result, I also feel disrespected. I have tried very, very hard to communicate my hurt feelings to them, but unfortunately, they never have acknowledgement and repentance nor express remorse over the hurtful things said. I was hoping that I can occasionally include my parents in some of the events revolving around our son, but my wife and I feel that we cannot do that until we have some severe repentance. If there is never any repentance and remorse, what are my options? Do I keep very limited contact forever? What do I do on Father's Day? How do I balance cleaving to my wife/supporting my wife over honoring my mother/father? The only thing I can think of is to remind my dad of all of the good things in my upbringing (staying away from the hardships of our relationship), but doing that in a very limited contact way (card, simple phone call, etc.). P.S. I am Christian and my parents are not, so that makes my situation rather challenging as Christians regard repentance as an important tool for healthy relationships with all people. All suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Is women empowerment really needed?
No, it is not needed, enough of women empowerment, feminism etc. from the olden days girls are strong, brave and bold enough to do or get what they want. So there is no need to put an extra effort on that. But what we need at present is more of Gender sensitization (specially for the male counterpart). we have to teach our boys, how they should treat girls. let me explain with an instance- A highly educated city girl, wearing a short dress is bold and empowered enough to come back from office or some party at night alone. OR a simple village girl, wearing salwar kameez with duppatta, due to some unexpected reason is coming back home late night, she is also bold and empowered inside. But in both the cases can we assure them the safety, who will take charge of the male vultures standing on roadside, waiting for their prey.(P.S.- by male vultures I don’t mean all the male, its just for the vultures, real men please don’t get offended by this) And it was very important to put this note as I don’t want to hurt any particular section as well as I myself encountered some real men, who infact, protect or show genuine care towards girls travelling alone.Ok coming back to the instance, if some misfortune happens with the girl, then what we can do with the words like women empowerment, feminism etc. Those big marches , protests, slogans won’t help much. so what we need is Gender Sensitization not Women empowerment.
My adult son spanks his young children too hard and for normal childhood behavior.?
My adult son has two children and is separated from his wife. All of them tend to come over to our house for "the day" , frequently into the evening and sometimes overnight. When one of the children misbehaves (they are 3 and 4 years) his wife makes him "take care of it". He will then spank the offending child. I cannot watch this scenario again. He spanked the child so hard that his hand prints were on her butt and her entire bottom was bright red. It looked like a bad sunburn. I told him that if I saw it happen this way again, he can be sure it will be the last time. I did not threaten a course of action (call the cops, call CPS, etc) but feel that I must do something to protect these little ones. Their misbehavior is normal child behavior, however annoying it may be. We never spanked either of our sons in this manner and I find it blatantly over the top for him to do this. Does anyone have a suggestion of how I can get him to see that he is not disciplining, but terrorizing and harming his children?
Is it still appropriate to raise our sons to protect women?
I'm not one to parse out every tiny thing in terms of feminism or whatnot. I believe in equal opportunities for all with people being allowed to rise if they have talent and hard work. Women don't need physical protection in many parts of the world in the way that was necessary in the past, but realistically more women are going to have less strength if a physical fight were to occur. Not all. I could still kick the average man's butt even in my fifties and dinged up as I am. Would I appreciate someone looking out for me and being my wingman? Um yes! I'm all about working in teams when a few people can accomplish more than one. Do women still need men who care about them to perhaps pay attention and be certain that no one is taking advantage? The same holds true for women caring for men although sadly it still seems like most of those in positions of power to victimize others are men going after women. (Again not always)Raise all children to respect all other people and themselves. In my family, we were taught to think of the family as a team that should always work together to help each other and to improve our situations in life. We do this across our extended family even now. After law school relatives pitched in to make sure I had money to study for my bar exam. Now, more than 20 years later I'm helping out the relatives who are young enough in some cases to be my children. Men or women will need assistance whether emotional or financial at some point in life.One of the most amazing men I've ever known was devastated watching his mother die of cancer. He makes a good living, has a fantastic career, wonderful family, great friends, etc. He still needed people to care for him. His heart can be hurt just as badly as a woman’s heart.Be kind to each other regardless of gender. I don't have a problem with little boys or adult men holding a door for me. I appreciate kind gestures and will say thank you. If I get to a door first, I will hold it for them. I think it is a nice thing regardless of gender. If a man doesn't like holding doors then he can go on through the world not doing it for anyone, but if he comes to Texas he will be the odd one out. We hold doors and try to do kind gestures and acknowledge people here with good manners as more of a cultural norm than perhaps in some other parts of the US. We say “Good morning" to strangers probably as much as French people saying “Bon jour" upon entering a shop. It's just good manners.
Why is there such a stigma against single moms?
PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY ARE WRONG AND ARE NOT RESPECTABLE FOR NOT HAVING A HUSBAND TO GO ALONG WITH THEIR KIDS. THEY THINK THAT THEY ARE EASY AND SUCH AND SUCH WHICH IS COMPLETLY WRONG MOST OF THE TIME. ALSO THEY THINK THAT A KID CAN'T BE RAISED RIGHT WITHOUT A LIVE IN FATHER BECAUSE I HAVE HAD MY MOTHER ONLY FOR MOST OF MY LIFE AND I HAVE GOOD VALUES. I F*CK UP SOMETIMES. I'M NOT PERFECT THOUGH. NOBODY IS.