When you help someone and they don't thank you. How to proceed?
A thanks is a form of payment. If you do something nice for someone without requiring payment, then you can be satisfied with yourself, doing what you want to do, regardless of what compensation you receive. Yes, it is polite to thank someone for a kindness performed, but that should not stop you from doing kindnesses in the future. Every person is different. For one person who did not reward you, there might be another who will reward you handsomely. I have found it satisfying to offer help without expectation of payment or reward. It's very freeing. It also allows me to do things on my whim, for my pleasure. If it's not your pleasure to help in future, then that's ok too.I recently read that saying "thank you" might be culturally frowned upon. For example, for superstitious people who believe in the "Fey" (fairies), saying "thank you" will make you obligated to the person you are thanking. If they are Fey, disguised as mortals, then you have placed yourself in their power. Something I consider now, instead of saying thanks, it does not "obligate" me if I smile in acknowledgement or say "I appreciate that."
Is it wrong to expect gratitude when you have done something good for someone?
Thank you for asking me to answer your question.When we do something good or nice for someone, it’s my belief that we should always ‘receive’ a thank you, but never ‘expect’ it.Although it can be extremely disheartening to do something good for someone else and not receive thanks, or even acknowledgement, acts of kindness ought to be done because we want to be kind, not because we want to be thanked.That said, I also believe (firmly!) that whenever others do something good or nice for us, then it is our duty to say thank you and acknowledge the action/deed.I heard this line today, and though it’s not always true, we should all (always) strive to make it true: “A simple act of caring creates an endless ripple”.
When you help someone do you ever expect someone to help you in return?
Sometimes I do. Some relationships include mutual aid. I expect that my partner help me if I ask for it, and I help my partner in turn. That’s not why we are together, and we don’t count beans; there is no accounting for who helps whom more, but we both expect that we be helped if it’s needed. It’s kind of inconceivable that we wouldn’t help each other. It has more to do with wanting the best for each other, wanting each other to be happy, than it has with repayment of some debt.I have also been in cooperatives where it was expected that all of us who were members would help with community projects. The only way such cooperatives work is if everyone pitches in to the best of their ability. It is a social contract to help each other.With friends, I usually help without an exact expectation of something in return, but if that friend always asked me for help, but was never there for me in turn, I would stop seeing them as the class of friend that I think has my back. So while there is no precise accounting, there is a general feeling of reciprocity, and if that is violated without good reason (disability, for example), then the friendship is downgraded.In general when I help strangers or acquaintances, I don’t expect anything in return. Nor do I expect anything when I volunteer specifically to render help to people in need. I don’t even believe in karma or grace; I simply do it because I like to live in a society where we are excellent to each other. People helped me when I was young and poor and miserable, without any expectation that I would repay them. Now I pay it forward.
Is it wrong if I help someone and expect some sort of support in return in the future?
I would like to answer this by few illustrations from the holy book “BHAGAVADGITA”Bhagavad Gita about Giving -"A book for every human in every country who might belong to any religion . The Gita Doctrine is beyond Religious and National boundaries. "datavyam iti yad danamdiyate ’nupakarinedese kale ca patre catad danam sattvikam smrtamWhich means -Charity given out of duty, without expectation of return, at the proper time and place, and to a worthy person is considered to be in the mode of goodnessyat tu pratyupakararthamphalam uddisya va punahdiyate ca pariklistamtad danam rajasam smrtamwhich means -But charity performed with the expectation of some return, or with a desire for fruitive results, or in a grudging mood, is said to be charity in the mode of passion.When you decided to give something it already belongs to him/her but the moment you start to expect any kind of benefits in return for what you gave you loose the blessings you deserve for the charity you made.Please Never ask your self why i spent so much money after you have done it and dint got any benefits that you expected.adesa-kale yad danamapatrebhyas ca diyateasat-kritam avajnatamtat tamasam udahrtamWhich means -And charity performed at an impure place, at an improper time, to unworthy persons, or without proper attention and respect is said to be in the mode of ignorance.
Why am I always the one helping others and when I need someone nobody comes for me?
I have the exact same problem. I give money, driving, time, labour, friendship, work, DIY, chores, everything. Yet no one will lift a finger in return.I think its a mental illness, we do not have doctors that can diagnose if people have this problem. I do not like people doing anything for me anyway. I do not like feeling like i have to owe someone. I help others, but if i need help back its never done. I think society is set up like this. The problem is highlighted when person after person do not do anything.I tried to describe how it feels. Its like pushing a grand piano up a mountain, the moment you let go its straight back to the bottom.Empathy is very rare now. Look at world leaders and the wars, this would not be possible if there was empathy. I think the system is designed on greed. We get lured into wanting more and more things. People work hard. People are desperate to pay their rent, we are not allowed to live freely “off the grid”, so we all must work to pay the bills. There is no room left for empathy. Even in the bible its was said over and over that greed and money lenders are the root of the problem.When no one else helps anymore, then you have to take care of yourself. I think a ”recession” is where in society everyone has asked the next person for their help ideas and no one wants to do it anymore.If you feel hurt by others being pathetic, then just look after yourself. Never put others in charge of things that need to be done, If you handle it best then leave it your own reliable hands. The problem is where you expect others to come in their own accord.You have to assume the least of others and when certain people come wanting to do more then keep them in your life. Its that initial want from others that you are looking for.It does hurt when you make 99% of the puzzle,and that person cant be bothered to put the last piece in.So just step back, keep your money to yourself, enjoy taking care of your self, respecting yourself.
Is it wrong that I am getting tired of helping people?
I won't go into detail, but over the past few years my "stress-o-meter" has been pushed to the limit. I have so much going on, most of it I don't even talk about, even though it plays on my mind. Last year I met a guy. He seemed nice, but then it became apparent he was suffering with depression. I tried to help him, I talked to him, I made him realise that he had a friend...and then, when I was in the middle of a shed-load of stress, he dropped a bombshell on me via Facebook; he was about to kill himself. I never knew (and still don't know) if it was genuine, but he replied the next day saying he was in hospital. Anyway, I was terrified. After that my own happiness and so on plummeted - for the first time I was pulled in by college tutors because I seemed that "out-of-it" and unhappy. (The guy is OK by the way). Since then I've been OK. I'm happy. But I met someone else through work, and everytime I ask him if he's okay he replies with things like "I just survive", "I'm still alive", "I'm coping", "I exist", and I just can't help him. I know it sounds rotten, but I am just so tired of being there for other people, and I don't know what to say anymore. It's like so many people expect me to have answers or to be able to make them happy, but I can't anymore... The last time I tried that, he made me feel so petrified. I was nowhere near him, and he said he wanted to top himself... what could I do? Is this wrong or bad that I feel exhausted with helping others? It's not just them - my whole life I seemed to be striving to please everyone around me.
Would you expect an off the clock store employee to help you?
I understand. I work in a place where to get to clock you have to walk through entire store and doesn't matter if i'm coming or going in uniform or not most people know I work there and will ask for help. Generally I help out as all they want is directions to a product but when it's something huge I'll tell them I'm just leaving or I'm just on my way to start my shift but I'll get this sorted for you. Please follow me to service desk. I'll take them to service desk tell whoever is there that this customer needs help doing this can you call so and so in charge of that department and say have a good day and run away again. It is annoying and if someone was that rude when I was on the phone I'd tell them, excuse me but I am on the phone, I am currently clocked off if you wait a minute whilst I finish my phone call I'll try to get you some help. (Most customers can't be bothered waiting so storm off in a huff) But I do think you should help them when it's something small like directions as that way they feel they got true customer service, they then come back to store because staff are nice and helpful even when clocked off and they feel welcome. Turn away one customer for something and expect the whole world to know in 5 mins thanks to internet. So be careful!
What do you expect from your teaher?
I expect the best example possible, someone I can trust and look up to, someone I can admire and love and not be embarassed. Someone I can talk to, someone I can talk about, someone I can remember for who they are, and not what they are. Someone who isn't monotonous, someone who has change, someone who is different and kind, someone who is successful. I expect my teacher to be the best he or she can be, and to help me be the best I can be as well. Fortuanately, most of my teachers are that way. They have helped me along the road to life, and I'll never forgot those special souls who have dedicated their life to help and educate the future generation.