I feel an inadequate mom for being poor this Christmas?
I can relate my dear. My husband and I have four children. Last year was, well let's just say we are happy to have our house. Last year we had a 6yr oud, a 4yr old, and twins 3 years old. For four kids we spent $50.00 and all gifts were from the Dollar Store. I felt aweful, I cried as I wrapped them, out of sight of the kids of course. My husband is a trucker and it hurt his so bad to know he was doing all he could and it wasn't enough. Freight is slow during the winter months. I kept positive around the kids, A friend of my husband gave us a 4 foot tree. It wasn't much but we were greatful. We decorated our tree as a family and put our angel atop and told stories of what the tree represented. Last year we talked more about what the real reason of Christmas was about. I think we all learned alot. Christmas morning "Santa" left the 2 gifts per child under the tree. The kids awoke and were smiling and laughing and thrilled at what they got. My husband and I were both crying then but they were happy tears because we grew up a little at that moment. Its not how much you spend or what they get, its about being together as a family, being strong, and making it work. I hope that you feel that way Christmas too. Someone is always going to have something bigger or more expensive but is it neccesarily better? Love is free, so are hugs and kisses and stories. Merry Christmas
Formula feeding moms: Have you ever been criticized for using formula? Or is it only an "internet battle"?
I have a few times. Not nearly as often as on here though. The worst was when I was buying formula and some woman ran up to me and begged me to save my child from hell by giving her my breast milk. Yeah, formula fed kids don't go to hell. It was mostly people making comments just loud enough for me to hear as they walked away though. But on the flip side, I breastfed for the first 2 weeks and was attacked for that as well. I was informed once that I was sexually assaulting my child by forcing my nipple into her mouth. EDIT: Kestrel, I'm pretty good about laughing stuff like that off and turning it into a joke. With the formula thing, I just asked the woman which brand she thought would have the quickest arrival into hell because I didn't want my baby stuck in a line. With the nipple thing, I was actually left speechless (rare for me) so I just walked away.
How does it feel to be a mother?
Honestly, with each baby, though it has lessened with each subsequent child, I felt schizophrenic, in a good way.I would often oscillate from feeling completely elated, "this is as good as life can ever get" to feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, trapped and desperate - often times, in the span of just a few minutes.Babies and children have a way of exasperating you one second and making you melt the next. No one else can make you feel such a big range of emotions and so intensely. Of course, with the first I had many more desperate moments and I was definitely more all over the place emotionally.Now, with the 4th, I would say most things come so naturally that in the absence of stress and helplessness it feels like infatuation that never goes away. You wake up every day, in love. With no particular effort on their part, you melt and are taken up to 7th heaven. It also feels like you get superpowers. Little things that seemed SO impossible before- i.e getting up and getting to work on the weekend, not having time to yourself -now they;re just an after thought. My single friends are always baffled by how much I get accomplished and my levels of energy - ironic to have people who get their full-night's sleep, and weekends and evenings off asking you where you get your energy from! My answer: "have some kids, you''ll be surprised what you'll be capable of" (This is coming for someone who never took college courses that began earlier than 11:30am because I couldn't "function" in the mornings).As a mother, I believe you truly discover the fullness of your abilities, your strengths and also your weaknesses.
Do any moms out there feel guilty for not cosleeping? I am 8 weeks pregnant, and I am already a bad mom?
I never slept with my daughter. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was too scared I would smother her in my sleep. I move around a lot. And you know what? She is just as loving and attached to me and her dad as any other kid would be. Every parent who cares about their children will feel inadequate at some point because we all want the best for our kids, but we all fall short because we are still only human. As far as daycare, I'm in the same boat. I would love to be a working mother but when daycare and rent would take away my ENTIRE payceck, it's not really worth it. I'm sorry your mom is giving you trouble, but ignore her in that department. You are doing what works for you and your baby and that's nobody's business but yours. You are not a bad mother just because you do things differently. My mom always raised me with the saying "Different doesn't mean wrong."
First time mom with high anxiety because I feel to normal..at 14w5d. Anyone else feel like this?
I will be 15 weeks this Sat. I am feeling slightly neurotic. All my morning sickness has gone away..well really almost everything has. Aside from the occasional minor cramps..and the turn off form some food...I feel 100% like a normal person. I constantly find myself getting anxious over this..wondering if the baby is ok..is it moving..it got so bad today that I called my doctor to see if they could squeeze me in for a sono just so i could see my baby. My doctor reassured me that this is completely normal and the during the second trimester you often feel the best. She offered to move up my appointment, but said everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about. Does anyone else feel this anxiety or wonderment if everything is ok? Its making me feel like a crazy woman.
How can I please my mom? No matter what I do for her, she is never pleased with me. She keeps on saying that she feels cursed to have me and always finds someone to compare with me.
Stop trying.Stop trying NOW.Whatever psychological defect your mother has that causes her to treat you this way, this hers, and hers alone. She bears all the responsibility for her behaviour and the way you are, behave or achieve has zero bearing on the matter at all. Trust me. I have been there, I lived with that criticism for eighteen years. I lived with the constant comparisons, the ridicule and the snide jokes.You can’t fix her, don’t try.If you want to confront her about it, first think of the worst that can happen and whether you will be able to cope with that. If she kicks you out, will you have a place to go to? Will you be able to continue school or go to university?If you decide to risk all of that, then you could say something like:Have you ever thought of getting help for this crippling inadequacy you feel?orMother. I am doing my best. If that is not good enough for you, if you don’t love me enough for that to be enough for you, then perhaps you ought to consider getting some help for that. Since I can’t do better than my best, I am totally at a loss as to what I can do to please you.Good luck. Remember. It isn’t YOUR fault.