How did you overcome your fear of rejection?
It all boils down to something called detachment from the outcome.As bizarre as it may seem, the idea is to not seek the end-goal of dating someone by asking them out, but rather to enjoy the process of going there and doing your thing. If the outcome is positive, great, but if it isn’t, you simply stop caring about the situation and move on.Rejection is not a bad thing as we like to paint it. Sure, it’s a downer, but consider the following situations.The girl you ask out makes fun of you, says something bad about your character or your appearance and tries to put you down because you dared to risk approaching her. Why would you want to be with someone like that in the first place? Simply move on from her and let that idiot live her life far, far away from you.The girl you ask out says she’s flattered by your approach, but she just isn’t into the idea of you two dating. She doesn’t make a big deal out of it, though, and you both move on. It’s in the past, it’s something that already happened and it’s not going to kill you — in fact, it can be a learning experience, meaning you may need to do something differently in order to be able to seduce someone; however, if you think about it, you are doing something right which is approaching a girl in a respectful way and taking rejection gracefully.In my experience, I learned that the best way to understand how this works is asking girls out even though I was afraid as hell to do so. Once you see it’s not a thing as hard to take as we think it is, it becomes easier to let that out of the way. Good luck with dating!
What is it like to adopt a 3+ year old child?
It sounds like your interest is based on convenience in family planning. I could be mistaken...I'm going to be really honest. I don't know how it will sound to those who have not adopted an older child. I have done this twice, adopting a 3+ year-old child. The other two were younger (infant and 2 years old).Here's my answer: it's amazing and it's wicked hard. Like, the best thing in the world and the worst thing in the world. Here are further thoughts and questions about the idea in general:Have you read about attachment? Do you have a social worker or agency in mind? Do you know what worst-case scenarios are?They come as whole, entire people at that age. So you aren't going to be able to clone yourself into them, if you want someone who has your interests and hobbies. And you may not know how that will make you feel until it's too late. If you are a flexible, non-judgmental person who is willing to ask the hard questions and do the work to know yourself and accept the child NO MATTER WHAT, then it might turn out well. No guarantees, though. They may not be able to do age-appropriate tasks. They may have a history of abuses that you will not know about and which will affect how they act. They may have undisclosed effects of alcohol that will not show up until they are in school. You may not like them. Can you show active love and acceptance to someone for 18 years at a minimum in that case?Are you willing to honor their privacy regarding their birth story?Are you willing to honor the pain that is inherent in adoption? Sure, there is joy for you and hopefully for the child, but it is built out of the ashes of a lost life. Quick story: I belonged to an online group of women who were active in adopting older children. One of them refused to read about how to parent a child who had been sexually abused/molested, even though she was adopting an older child. She did not want a child like that. The girl she adopted had been molested, and had severe behavioral challenges. After a few years, yes YEARS, the lady gave the girl up to another family. I don't know what would have happened if she had been willing to educate herself ahead of time, but that is what happened in this case. I'm all for adoption. But I desire for a child to feel as valued and understood as if she had been my biological child. There's not a gift receipt for children, biological or adopted. At least, there shouldn't be. And as with all parenting, you never clock out.