Boyfriend said he hates Christmas due to family issues. How can I help him?
There is no need for you to know his pain about his past Christmas memories until he wants to share them with you. However, there is plenty you can do in the meanwhile in order to comfort him. Tell him that you understand that he hates Christmas because it brings up bad memories. Let hi know that the two of you can make new memories, so you are planning Christmas events with your family this year and would love him to join you. My husband hated holidays because his mother was either drunk, on drugs or mesmerized by the bible (bi polar extremes). One year she picked up the Christmas tree and threw it at him. Another year, she broke ALL of his Christmas gifts when he was a kid. So, of course that trauma was real horrible and Christmas brought up those terrible memories. I began our own tradition and gave him the strength to not see his mother on Christmas because it was too hurtful for him. It took years, but soon he began liking Christmas and decorating for it and shopping for gifts. I learned that pulling memories out of him was of zero importance to me, but adding good memories was key in order to overshadow the past hurts. That is what I would do if I were you. Also, this is kind of off topic, but guys who were raised in a dysfunctional family have emotional issues. They do. They also hide them quite well but as time goes on, those deep seeded issues come back to the surface and it ain't pretty. I tell you this from experience...unless he gets some help to accept unresolved feelings of the past, he will be haunted by them and so will your relationship. I guarantee you, as more time passes, whatever behaviors manifested from his childhood will magnify. So, before you get really serious with this guy or accept his marriage proposal, you must realize what you are signing up for. Especially if he is at odds with his mother. Be cautious, please.
How can I solve my critical family issue?
We seem to have established that you hate Biotech and are searching for change.But how do you know that you would enjoy working in the IT sector ?I think you need to figure what it is about the IT sector which attracts you, which is not offered by the biotech sector.There are far too many people who read news reports which talk about insane hiring in the IT sector. These people then assume that the IT world is the new Shangri-La. Here's the harsh truth, while there is currently a large demand for IT professionals, career growth tends to stagnate after the first 5 years. Many friends, who-attracted by fat paychecks by graduate standards- joined the IT sector only to leave a few years later to pursue a second degree.Don't worry so much about whether you will have to struggle for a few years if the end is what you want. But I want you to question the assumption that IT is what you want.You need to ask yourself what is different between your desire to join the Biotech sector a few years ago, and now. And that is something only you and your God can answer.Best of luck :) and I know you will eventually figure your way out. On a more personal note: I just graduated and have been having similar questions about the path I'm choosing. And everyday I question the assumptions under which I chose this path. I find that helpful in framing my choices.
How do you manage things you can't control (like family issues, illness, etc)?
You do what you can in any given situation to help and let nature take it’s course with the rest. We all suffer through this life, but there is no sense in letting things get insurmountable in our minds. It will be what it will be. As long as you have done everything in your power to help in any given situation, you have done your part. You can pray or meditate to try to give yourself some peace about things, but I have found if I can actually do anything to improve a situation for someone, I must do that. In the end, I know I did what I could do. Outcomes aren’t always what we had hoped for, but at least you know you did everything to make it better. Sometimes, it means putting your life on hold, if at all possible, to help someone else. I just went through this with my sister. She suffered a year long illness. I was one of her caregivers and was very positive for her and got her through a very difficult time only to lose her. I know that I did everything I could for her. In that sense, I am satisfied. On losing her, I am devastated. You have to take the good with the bad in this life without letting it swallow you up. You go on with an ache in your heart. Each new ache changes you, but it doesn’t have to end you. The insulting part about death is that we go on. We just do it.
Question on how to write wedding invitations?
Here is the scenario: My fiance and I are getting married, but it's not a typical wedding plan. We were originally going to do a local wedding, but because of the cost, we figured we may as well incorporate traveling (because we love to travel) and have a destination wedding, and then host a reception for those who weren't at the ceremony. We are getting eloped in June to get all the legal stuff out of the way, then we are having a private (just immediate family) ceremony in Norway in July. After the ceremony, we are having our honeymoon in Iceland for a couple weeks, and then when we come back home, we are having our reception in August for everyone on our invite list to come to. We decided that since we were having a viking themed wedding, might as well go authentic and have the ceremony in Norway. The issue that I am having is how to write the wording for the invitations. What details would I need to incorporate? Since we want to keep it down to the immediate family in Norway, how do we invite everyone else to just the reception and not the ceremony?
I'm traveling to Canada for the third time to visit family, but I'm still antsy about the border guards. Help?
I've been up there twice last year without an issue. But you never know with the Canadian border guards. I will be traveling by bus with dozens of other passengers again. Not by car. I understand I show the guard my valid passport and luggage, and he/she will ask me the basic questions. Maybe some additional questions, I don't know. They like to select random passengers to hassle. Anyway, I will not be bringing anything into Canada apart from clothes, books and my toiletries. And I have no criminal record. So I think I shall be okay? I hope.......
If money was not an issue, what would you be doing with your life?
Welcome to Western GhatsWestern Ghats16000 km of untouched thick forest and a home to over 1000 species of plants and animals, I would have settled down in the woods. There are remote villages approximately 15 km away from the Cherapunji of South India (Agumbe) with no internet or telephone access and rains heavily in most months of the year.Agumbe — Cherrapunji of South IndiaBeing close to my hometown (Approximately 150 km from Udupi), this place is more like a home to me.I would go ahead to buy 100 acres of land in a remote hamlet, surrounded with paddy fields around the complex. The complex would be a home to various forms of arts, which is a taboo to students and parents staying in cities and aspiring for IITs.The Institution would be a learning center forMusicArtDanceI would build a world class educational institution which does offer education to students who are really dedicated to their passion.Art is losing steam in India with many students (willingly and unwillingly opting for courses which they don’t like). The institution would be a state-of-the-art school for arts, something on the lines of IITs.Now you might think why such a institution in a remote village. There are two reasons for the sameArt thrives well in the lap of nature. Unpolluted air and nature’s beauty helps in developing good form of art which would be an asset to the future generation.Western Ghats is a home to a vast diversity. Access to basic amenities is a major issue for the local people. This institution would make it a compulsion for every student to develop an innovative idea to solve human problems with limited resources. With an easy connect to the people with real life problems, it is expected this institution drives innovation.The institution would have 25 acres dedicated to arts while 50 acres would be dedicated to innovation centers in various fields like biotechnology, mechatronics, Artificial Intelligence, etc…Every student who graduates from this University would have a comprehensive degree in two fields, making them more competent in the competitive world. Students would be taught how to draw funds for innovative products, develop them, understand real-life issues, cope up with their passion, etc… which is missing in many Universities across India.This is my dream and I would definitely fulfill this if money is not an issue —- “Educating lives the way it has to be done”. No entrance exams, simply nothing. Just making life more valuable and simple.
I'm traveling up to Canada to visit family, and I'm nervous about Customs. Help?
I'm American. I have an aunt who lives in Canada, and I'm going up there by bus to see her. I happen to have Canadian in my family. However I'm anxious about Customs. I'm obviously bringing my passport, but I wonder what questions the guards will ask me. I'm not bringing anything illegal or deadly, just clothes and toiletries. Are Canadian border guards biased? Will they ask me questions about my personal life? Will they forbid me from entering Canada, if not detain me, just because they don't like me? And I'm only visiting Canada to see family for a week, then I go home after that. I'm not applying for citizenship. Anyway, please give me some helpful answers. No trolling or wise answers please.