How did you begin to overcome your eating disorder?
I’ve been in long-term recovery for 8 years. My medical team saved my life — doctor, dietitian, psychologist.There are two parts, physical and mental health. Once the brain is getting adequate nutrition with a goal of normalized eating then the work on disordered thinking begins.That’s how it happens. Regardless or psych treatment modality, the first concern is physical health, avoiding death. Eating disorder have the highest mortality of any mental illness. Next, while maintaining or gaining weight, one will begin therapy to change disordered thinking. For me, the bulk of the mental work was probably 2–3 years until I felt comfortable saying i was recovering. Personally, I never use past tense recovered, maybe I will some day, but now I’m OK with being in long-term recovery.The first step was making a call to get help, it was scary and I felt embarrassed, but it saved my life. The intake coordinator on the other end of the phone could not have been more kind, she helped me set up an appointment and answer some basic questions about my medical history. She said something along the lines of, “why don’t you come in for an evaluation and we’ll just see how you’re doing, no commitment.” So I did, and here I am.
How to get period back (amenorrhea) from anorexia?
I'm 5'1", 15 years old and weigh 90lbs (I've gained 7lbs from my lowest weight). I am healthy for age and weight but I'm still not getting my period back and it's been 6 months... I don't want to gain more weight, I'm healthy. Everything is fine in my body apart from my periods. I know the dangers of an eating disorders, I've had one and I still relapse so there's no point explaining that. A doctor said that apart from weight/body fat/stress, it could be due to a slow metabolism and my pituitary gland isn't getting the signal to release FSH? It would be helpful if anyone responds, but please, don't tell me all the problems I'll be facing, I'm very well aware of that and that's the reason I want my period back. Thank you!
How long until anorexia can kill you?
The problem is that this is a disease that can kill you at any point.There’s a misconception that you would have to actually starve yourself to death but that’s part of why this disease is so deadly. It can kill you long before you reach a dramatically low weight.When I was eighteen and before I was seeing a therapist I was reading every book on depression and anorexia nervosa that I could find in the public library. Living in New Mexico with my father and going to the University of New Mexico full time. But my real occupation was my illness.I didn’t realize until many years later that you can die from anorexia at any point in the disease because it damages the functioning of the heart muscle. This is just one of the one major things that can go wrong when something as complicated as the human body is mistreated and abused through self-starvation.The electrolytes in the body are extremely important and I never understood that the imbalance of various systems in our bodies can cause death. I was in denial about my basic human requirements to sustain life, and it scares me to think about it now.I don’t want to go to far into these areas here, it’s not really appropriate. Just like discussing numerical weight, it’s part of the obsession.Those interested should go to the 613 section of the library where I used to hang out, and you will see the books on depression, the books on anorexia, the books on bulimia. Stay in that section.Because if you asked a question like this, you have a ton of reading to do.And I happen to love that section, so send me an anonymous message, and I will even go to my public library and run to the 613 section and we could kinda read through it like health buddies.No, I’m not joking, not at all. Anorexia can kill you at any time. And I didn’t realize this when I was most at risk. That’s what I wish to get through to anyone who is starving themselves: the body is a complex system and it will often consume muscle before it will burn fat for fuel. I’m not a scientist, but to deprive yourself of nutrition is extremely dangerous.Some of us don’t have the luxury of joking about things like this.
What do pro-ana people think of those who end up dying from anorexia or other eating disorders?
I can only speak for myself but I guess some might feel/think the same.In my case, I was not pro ana. However, I suffered from anorexia throughout my childhood and teens. Pro ana and being anorexic don't mean the same thing, I never encouraged anyone to become anorexic but I did check out pro ana blogs to get ideas and try to lose weight; sometimes I only visited them to get more motivation or to see thinspiration.Anyway, back to the question. I never considered myself to be sick enough. I thought that only really skinny girls would get thin enough to die. I believed I had a long way to go for that. Little did I know that, when I was at my lowest, I was only 15 pounds away of falling really sick and in enough danger to die. I could've easily lost those 15 pounds in a couple of months if my parents hadn't noticed I was acting a bit off.To be honest, I guess it's pretty similar for smokers or alcoholics. I mean, they might feel sad or worried for someone suffering lung or liver cancer as a consequence of it, but when it comes to themselves, they just think “I'm not that bad”, “I don't smoke/drink that much”, “it won't happen to me”.Also, I felt I was not allowed to feel dizzy or tired or sick in general, because I did not consider myself thin enough to be sick, that I didn't skip enough meals or I just didn't fast long enough to get any health problems. To die because of anorexia? Impossible, I was not even thin according to my standards and the fucked up perception I used to have about myself.And the reality is that even though I didn't get to 80 lbs, I do have problems as a consequence of every single unhealthy measure I took to lose weight fast and I'll suffer most of them for life.I cannot say that I am recovered, I struggle with it everyday of my life. I live normal and happily for a few days/weeks/months but no, it always comes back. I do see the risk of dying as a consequence of this and I take it more seriously than I did when I was younger, but sometimes I don't care even though I know. Sometimes the urge to keep doing what you do to lose weight is stronger, and the weight you lose will never be enough. Sometimes you just know and say “fuck it, I'll take that risk”.
What would you eat in a day when you had Anorexia Nervosa?
In a typical day, I would eat a half-cup of oatmeal with a tablespoon of raisins in the morning, along with a few cups of black coffee. Lunch would be a can of Diet Coke and an apple, and dinner would be a big bowl of air-popped popcorn with salt and spices. I typically would eat very small portions of other foods: a bite of mashed potatoes, a quarter-slice of bread, a single piece of hard candy or sugarless gum.I’d get stuck on certain foods. Air popped popcorn was a staple, because I could make it in my room, and it was low fat and full of fiber. I’d also eat a lot of cantaloupe when it was in season. (In the summer, a typical day’s eating for me involved a plain half-cantaloupe for breakfast, a half-cantaloupe with cottage cheese for lunch, and a full cup of oatmeal for dinner.) Sometimes I would whip up egg whites into a froth and make them into “pancakes” which I would sprinkle with Sweet-N-Low and cinnamon.I avoided most meat, because it was fatty, and the prevailing diet wisdom recommended avoiding fat at all costs. I did drink milk, because I liked it and it helped quell the acid burn in my stomach. If the acid was really bad, I might try to find some Tums. (The acid was one reason I didn’t turn to bulimia; if I overate I’d try to make up for it with exercise, but throwing up was a painful experience for me.)I would eat unripe fruit, because I found it upset my stomach and prevented hunger. There were plenty of apple trees around, so in the summer and fall I had a pretty good supply of fruit. Sometimes, I’d to burn my food, meat especially, because I figured a lot of the calories would be burned off in the process.I’d also drink coffee by the gallon. Left to my own devices, I might down three pots in a day. When I was thirteen. I’d often bring instant coffee to school so I could have it there. And, of course, plenty of water and diet soda, if I could get it.
Is anorexia a slow form of suicide?
I have anorexia, and I am in recovery. I recovered before but relapsed not long after so this is my second time trying to get better. However, the stupid part of my brain which tells me all those awful things (e.g. don't eat that, you will become fat, you're ugly, a failure, etc...) is also saying that I have not got small enough to start recovery yet! I know that isn't true, because 1) I am underweight 2) A lot of my clothes are too big for me 3) My periods aren't regular 4) I get anxiety attacks 5) I have been fainting, etc... How can I ignore these horrific thoughts? I hate it so much because it is a constant battle in my head. Is anorexia a slow form of suicide? Like, if I were to carry on restricting, over-exercising, etc... could it eventually 'kill' me? I don't want that to happen at all but it doesn't make recovery any easier... I would just love some advice, please...x