What do you think of this piece of a story?
I think its good and has a lot of potential. The one criticism I have is that the main character (the narrator) doesn't seem to have much of a personality. I think Mike needs a more distinct voice. Also, you're describing the scene and the actions most of the time. I think you should describe the pain and panic that Mike is feeling throughout the scene. Towards the end of this passage, there is a terrified family in the house---describe the family in a few words, like: "I went up into the apartments overhead, and picked one at random and opened the door. I waved the gun around and the woman inside gasped and started to scream, putting herself between me and her kid. The man started yelling. "Shut UP!" I yelled hoarsely. I looked around, "Where's your closet?!" The man, horrified, pointed a shaking finger down the hall" --- that's how I would have written it, So far, your story has an exciting, thrilling beginning and lots of potential. I just think you need to add some detail here and there and you'll write a really good book! Good job :)
Piece of **** neighbor!?
Some people are never going to understand that you have a right to a safe living space when you are paying rent. I don't know where you live, but the police might be too busy to deal with these types of issues. The landlord should deal with this problem to assure a safe living space for you. My suggestion is to contact the landlord by phone and with a letter. Continue to call the landlord every day until something is done about the situation. Call the landlord in the middle of the night if your neighbor is keeping you awake. Give this problem to the landlord. Don't take it on yourself. You're probably not the only tenent that has a problem with this neighbor. Continuously contact the landlord, speak politely but let the landlord know that you are going to continue to contact them anytime that there is a problem with the neighbor. Eventually, the landlord will get fed up with hearing about the problems and speak directly to the neighbor. In the mean time, find a new place to live. You don't want to be part of a fight and your landlord is going to start hating you if you bug him continuously. This is a rough situation. Be careful and stay safe.
How's this piece of writing?
I like it. The short sentences in the beginning make it sound like it's going to be more depressing than it is. You're either a very very good writer or you know very well how to put your personal experiences into something tangible. I'm sorry if this happens to you, though. Really. But you have a talent! =] good job... soar with it.
Which piece of writing is best?
First piece: I find the name Askel funny, especially when she asks something (especially because her nickname is Ask). You realize the problem, right? Second piece: Anyone who doesn't like Rebecca Black or Evanescence will find the conversation boring. Or worse, dated. It's "cute" if you like that sort of thing. It's really difficult to have an opinion. The first is about something on her shoe, a ceremony of some kind and sitting next to someone. It all reads pretty random. You do write decently, though.
Is this piece of writing okay?
“Uh guys, I am here you know.” I said “Oh sorry Silver, so what happened?” “She got a date with Zach carter!” Melanie shouted. “Mel calm down.” I noticed the curious looks we were getting from people at other tables. “You are so lucky Silver.” Julian said dreamily, “He is so totally gorgeous.” “He's not on your team Jules.” Melanie said sympathetically. Julian sighed, “I know but he is gorgeous. So how'd this happen?” He looked at me. “I fell in P.E and he helped me to the nurse then after he followed me into the girls bathroom and asked me on a date.” I said it like it was so simple. Julian inhaled deeply and put his hand on his chest, “He was in the girls bathroom? That's terrible...” “Julian you go in there all the time.” Melanie butted in. “Yeah but that's different, I go in to help you guys with your make-up.” They seemed to realise I was there and left there little argument, “Silver what are you going to wear?”
What do you think of my SHORT PIECE OF WRITING?
opinions on writing style please.. Then it happened. Almost instantly, her breath caught and her heart plummeted to the pits of her stomach - the way it did every time she saw him. As she was just about to cross the river of students that seemed to flow down the small, compact hallway, her eyes widened as they set on the frame of Kevin Molcavich. It was like an impulse reaction; every time she was within a 10 meter radius of him, her whole mentality would suddenly melt into a big bundle of nothing. And now as she stood by the edge of her locker practically paralysed, she ogled at him helplessly; her eyes trying to drink him in. By now her heart was making erratic leaps as his tall, t-shirt and jeans clad body seemed to come endlessly closer, so close that at one point, she felt like reaching out and grabbing his muscle rippled body with the intension of never letting go. But even she knew that that would be nothing but a suicidal stunt; Kevin was taken. And not just by anybody – but by Adrianna Bailey.
What do you think of this piece of writing?
She pulled away after a few minutes, her makeup smeared and her face blotchy from crying. She never looked so beautiful. "I can't go in any further. Airport security and all that ****." "I know." I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed me back with passion and need, not letting me go. Behind me, I heard someone scoff. She must have heard it as well, for she pulled away a moment later. "Don't forget to write me everyday. And call at least once a week. I don't want to have to miss your voice too much." "I won't. I love you, Rachel." "I love you too, Philip. Watch out for sick people. Airports are filled with them!" I smiled at her warning as we parted ways, her going back to the car, and myself into the airport.
Why am I a worthless piece of ****?
Today I got a vape from someone . I'm 14 years old. My parents asked why I was so sketchy when they came home. I made up lies to cover it up. At the end of the day they asked me for the truth. I told them so many lies. After they knew I was lying, I gave them the vape and got talked to about breaking my parents heart. My dad almost had a heart attack I feel like ****. I want to commit suicide but that would effect my little brother and parents. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to run away so they won't have to worry about me. I feel so bad for lying. I feel like I don't deserve this bed or this house. My parents have been nothing but good to me. I'm sleeping on the floor tonight because I feel like I don't deserve a nice bed. Please help me
What do you think of this piece of writing?
I did this in a few minutes but a lot of it was already in my head it was just getting it on paper. It's not going to be really great because I haven't had days to plan it out. It's basically my thoughts about an experience of mine so it's not really a story but the way I've written it I'd like to know what other people think. Now, I don’t know much. I’m not an expert on anything. I can’t tell you every single winner of the Olympics for the last 20 years in consecutive order; I can’t speak Dutch or recite the periodic table by heart. What I do know though is that I shouldn’t be alive. It’s not that I don’t deserve to be alive or I don’t want to be alive but if you count the odds of what happened to me I should never have survived much past one year old. I should be in heaven or wherever waiting for the Earth to need my spirit again, waiting to be attached to some mapped out life here on Earth. Certainly, I shouldn’t be here. When I was one year old I had an Epileptic seizure, the exact cause of my Epilepsy is still one of those great mysteries in our family. I stopped breathing and my heart stopped for about three minutes. Now in my infinite curiosity I have looked the odds of surviving something like that up. One in 100 million or so if I so happen to remember correctly. I like to think of my survival in one of two ways depending on my mood at the time. Either I am very lucky, am here for a reason and must be destined to do something worthwhile in my life or I am an entirely unlucky human being and am destined to die young so I’d better do something with my life quick smart. Whichever it is the thing is, I’m here now. For better or for worse. What do you guys think of it?