Lost my faith in life and love... how to cope?
It seems like nothing ever goes right in my life. Seems like no guy out there likes me. I've been always kind and loving and in return, I get crap back. Here's a breakdown on everyone: -Was teased by boys growing up, saying that I'm ugly and fat and every other name under the sun. When I told my family about it, they ignored it. In the 7th grade, a few guys who lived on my block called me a racial slur and was actually attacked by them. -all the guys I've had a crush on in high school would turn me down because they "had a girlfriend" which most of the time they don't. Just a nicer way to say, "you're ugly". -first boyfriend broke up with me after giving up my virginity. We were dating for a while and thought things were going okay and then that happened. (I was 18) -got married very young because my boyfriend (this is the relationship after I lost my virginity) because I got pregnant and felt it was "morally correct". Ended up miscarrying the baby and eventually losing him because his controlling ways. (was 19 when I married him, divorced him at 21) -longest relationship (3 1/2 years) ended when he called me a liar, when I've been completely honest with him. In the meantime, he was the one who lied by cheating on me. I also think the entire time, he was using me for sex and just pretended that he "loved me". (dated from 22-25, took nearly a 9 month break from dating) -next serious relationship felt like it was all an act with him. He said he was clean and sane but instead he was using drugs behind my back and still held a torch for his 18-year old ex girlfriend, even though she cheated on him. (relationship ended 2 months ago) -and the quick dates here and there never lasted long because I wasn't prettier enough or too blah or "gagworthy". It just seems like I am destined to not be happy again. I know you suppose to love yourself first but I'm trying to and just don't have any more love to give, even to myself. I am staying single for a while but I think I will never have another date as long as I live (and I'm not even 30 yet). I've been going to a therapist and even seeing her isn't helping me. Why is it that men like to look in the surface and not what's underneath? Even at my prettiest, someone would say something negative about me. I just have nothing now to be happy about.
My ex wife invited me to dinner tonight, I still love her should i go?
Okay. Being divorced from my high school sweetheart after 14 years together (this was nine years ago so I have a pretty clear picture of things these days) I can give you this advice. She's being nice. She's being nice to the father of her children and trying to build a friendly relationship with you since one way or another you will always be in each other's lives. Now for the smack upside the head. You're codependent. You need to get over it and move-on. Right now you are so blind by hurt and codependency that you don't think there will ever be anyone else for you. She seems like your only salvation. I can guarantee she's not. She doesn't love you in the husband/wife kind of way anymore. She cares about you lots, she doesn't want you run over by a bus or anything, but she doesn't want to be with you in a husband/wife relationship anymore. For her, there is too much bad water under the bridge to repair it. My wife and I got back together and tried to work it out. It was terrible. Everyday was spent worrying if she was still carrying-on with her coworker (whom she eventually married and divorced a couple of years later). Everyday I was worried she was going to leave me again. I worried myself down 40 pounds. By the time we finally called it quits it was like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I worked on myself. Got my self-esteem back. And two years later I married a wonderful woman. Now looking at this relationship I can clearly see how dysfunctional my first marriage was. The problem was we grew-up together, but in reality we stunted each other's growth because we never developed who we were before we became a couple. Our identities was the couple, not each of us individually. We never became our own person before we became a couple. Should you go tonight? I would respectfully decline. Otherwise you are just torturing yourself, which is another symptom of codependence and martyrdom.
I am in love. How do I concentrate on my studies when my mind is occupied with her?
So, if you are studying, you might be in either school or college and mostly in your teens. I would not call this as love but infatuation, which every boy and girl would develop due to the hormonal changes.During my third year in engineering, a girl proposed me(I was pretty good at studies & in extra curricular activities too) but I turned down her proposal because I was the first graduate in my family and my entire family was waiting for me to join a company after my studies.I would not preach or advise that love is bad and you need to concentrate on your studies. It is normal to fall in love at this stage and if your love is true you will find every chances to take care of your love which you can do only if you study well.You will be fed by your parents and respected in this society only till you graduate out of college and then you will be seen as an object of burden unless you are not independent.So, it is better to concentrate more on studies compared to love, say in 70:30 ratio, that you can study well and get placed or go to higher studies after you graduate, but still you her truly.Once you settle in your life, you opinions and views will be respected by people and when you inform your parents about your parents, the chances of your parents accepting your love will much more higher.So, if you are getting distracted while studying, call her, talk to her for some minutes and then go back to study. Love is equally important as your education.Study well.. All the best for your love life.This is purely my view on love.The same girl proposed me again after I got placed in a good organisation but still I told her that I was not intrested that I don't want to leave my family immediately after I got a job and was able to be independent. She understood that and we are good friends now.