Should I cut my mom completely out of my life?
First, understand that your mother holds to a stricter set of morals than you do. I infer that from your using "fiancé " to describe your mate, the father of your child. This situation is probably the fountainhead of her wrath, unless you plan to marry before the baby comes, it will be "illegitimate " and she will have to bear that "shame" in front of all her friends and church-goers. Now understand that it's her problem, not yours. Given that you have had one miscarriage, staying calm and healthy is of utmost importance, for both of your sakes. Time to play hardball with your mom. Tell her that her outbursts are too upsetting for you to deal with while you are pregnant, and that you will not be seeing her or calling her, OR TEXTING HER, for the duration of your pregnancy. Then do it. Time to be the adult; as long as you let her, she will continue to treat you like a disobedient child. Enough. Don't read her texts, don't listen to her vitriolic voicemails either. Tell her you will contact her when you are ready to re-establish communications with her. Tell her you love her, but refuse to be treated as she has been treating you. Then say good bye and hang up. Don't wait for her to respond. it gives her the last word. Just say good bye and hand up. Then go make yourself some herbal tea and sit down, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, " I can't believe I just did that!"
Dealing with an abusive father as an adult?
I can't even believe that I'm asking this, but I don't know what else to do. My father was a terribly abusive man. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and possibly sexually. I'm now an adult, married, with two beautiful children. He still does the most horrible things. He has child abuse charges on his record and has asked my mother (who divorced him) and my sister to testify that I was never abused and that I lied about it, in order to get it off of his record. Recently I called him out on a lie and he ranted and raved calling me a whore and a *****. He doesn't even acknowledge that he ever abused any of us. He actually says, "I've never hit my children!" Because of his constant verbal abuse, I've cut off contact with him for the last month. I can't have someone around myself and my children who treats me so terribly. But he drops gifts off at the house and leaves them on the front porch. The kids smile and wave to him out the window. It makes me feel horrible. He's threatened my kids in the past. Threatening to do things like make them stand outside in the dead of winter without a coat on if they don't shut up. Of course I'm very protective and leave right away when he does something like that. My point is, what do you do when you are afraid of someone hurting you and your children all the time......and still be fair. My husband says that I shouldn't be upset because we're in this situation because of the choices he has made. But if this is the right thing to do, why do I feel so sorry for him. Is there a right thing to do???
There is no sure guarantee to stop it. Do you have a person around that is encouraging her behavior by not respecting you?You can set boundaries (i.e., If you disrespect me again, I will stop doing ____). The person will usually fight really hard and fuss. But stay true to yourself. If you give in, that just teaches them to be a brat to you. One of the ways to handle this is when she does it is to remove yourself from the situation when she has crossed a boundary. No one can verbally abuse you easily if you are away from them calming yourself down. If you provide her with some kind of support or extra “goodies”, (Cell phone service, Netflix), you can cut them off as a consequence for mean verbal behavior and tell her you will return them when she is genuinely sorry and motivated to change her behavior.If her behavior is so toxic that it is causing you mental harm, than limit contact with her if you can.Family counseling is an option, but your daughter must get to the point where she has motivation to change herself.Added: When you are not legally responsible for herIf you daughter is an adult, and all attempts seem to fail, you can say you will happily pay taxi fare for her to go to a friend or a homeless shelter (have someone with you as this could escalate her bad behavior). Change your locks and phone number. Do not contact her until she understands was her verbal abuse did and she is securely housed.
It’s freaking wonderful.It’s been over 30 years since I cut all contact with my abusive parents.Haven’t regretted it once.I asked myself “If I wasn’t related to these people, would I want them in my life?”The answer was a resounding NO.I cut all contact & I’m glad I did
Adults with emotionally abusive parents....?
First of all, I'm sorry! I know what it is like and I wish you weren't going through this. Be up front with them. Tell them that you do not want to speak to them any longer. Tell them the exact reasons why. Give them examples of what they have said and done that have really upset you. Tell them that you don't have to put up with their behavior so you are not any longer. If another family member asks you what is happening just tell them that you would rather not talk about it. They might bad mouth you to other relatives, but I think you will appear like the bigger person when you don't try to drag their name through the mud. And if other family members start to side with your parents, then keep away from them too. You do not deserve to be treated this way!!! If need be, change your phone number and don't give it to your parents.
My mom is emotionally abusive?
Dear Morgan, I feel for you… your situation reminded me when I was your age… it’s a lot similar. The only different is I was able to cope mentally though it wasn’t easy. It’s because I was receiving a lot of support though I live in a country where Depression and any sort of mental illnesses were very green to us.. it was 30 years ago. So I am wondering if you are receiving any support at all? I now live in Australia and it is very good country in supporting familes who suffer from any sort of mental illnesses also support for the carer. I don’t know which country you live in but you could Please check beyond blue website and if you could you can contact them for immediate help. I am working as a case manager for over 10 years and provide counseling as well to my clients and often use beyond blue and support from blackdog institute at prince of Wales hospital in sydney. They are all free for Australian resident. You mum should receive a support from mental health team from any hospital she goes and has a case worker.. your dad and yourself need to look after yourselves. It’s not an easy task to live with a family member who suffers mental illness but still living in denial. I don’t know as a young person if you believe in the Bible or even own it. But when I was experiencing what you have been through. The Bible is the source of lots of encouragement besides getting help from therapist or/and medication. Try to engage yourself with social activities in positive way, such as playing sport, creative hobbies. Please don’t isolate yourself. One of my family member suffers from severe depression and was on medication for years before through lots of trial and error. He often did self mutilation/self harming when he was in deep depression. but now he is off medication with the help from therapists, support groups at our church, regular exercise and eating correct foods. Dealing with mental illness is a long journey. However you can control it with correct method and it’s never too late. Please feel free to ask me any question on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Emotional-Healing-with-Jozmaye-Benn/154301037945029 I also would send publication free of charge to help people dealing emotionally and mentally with difficulty in their life due to natural disaster, illnesses and death. Happy to help people in need.
Added: I did not see the comment that you could go with your boyfriends family: Go and then call protective services. Your mom sounds bad enough that she might call you a runaway.Tell an adult that you trust like a teacher, school nurse or school counselor. If they don’t listen keep telling, even if your parents have threaten you not to tell. In the U.S people in these profession have to inform protective services. They can get you out of the situation or require your parents to have therapy. Tell the workers if you have mental stress from the abuse.Some options are going to work, you will not make very much starting out, so you may have to be in an apartment with roommates. You can get a job now and save for a car and deposit.If they are hurting you physically, you can call the police. It is not right for parents to hurt their child in such a way, that if a stranger did it to you, the stranger would be responsible for jail time or probation.There are many options that I do not know of because I do not know the resources you have available around you.
Cut her. Learn about assertiveness and how to set up strong, healthy boundaries. She sounds like an emotional vampire and you don't deserve to put up with any of it. To spare yourself any guilt you have every right to inform her of your true feelings. This may be enough for her to cut ties with you, don't feel bad if she does; it just goes to show her lack of maturity. If she is receptive to what you say and feel than maybe at that point you can work out a way to maintain contact but so long as it is healthy for the both of you. If you do end up having to cut ties don't be afraid to let others who know you both that you've taken steps to remove her negative influence. You might lose others who may agree with her but again anyone who supports negative people mustn't be that great anyways. You have one life and there is not reason you should waste it feeling sad or upset about someone who isn't trying to make it the best it can be. So start with learning about assertiveness and your assertive rights. You are worth and you matter don't ever forget that!!!