Should I cut my father out of my life?
When I was 15 my father left our family to run off with his mistress. At the time I had no idea about the affair so he could have been sneaking around for years. When my brother found out he had been cheating on my mother he immediately cut ties him. They haven't spoken since. My father doesn't seem at all bothered by this, he's never tried to reach out to his son at all but remains convinced they will patch things up. He is currently engaged to his mistress and lives with her and her three kids. I am not proud of it, but I remained in contact with my father. When I would go visit him he ignored me completely. He would drink beer and play games on the computer until it was time for me to go home. Drinking is guaranteed when visiting my father. I would get calls from my friends saying laughing about how drunk my dad was last night. He was even arrested recently for drunk driving and reckless endangerment. Of course he claims he wasn't drunk and the officer made a mistake. When I turned 18 the child support money was cut in half. The man stopped paying money for the welfare of the only child he has left that speaks to him. Then bought his mistress a puppy for her birthday. A puppy. Do you have any idea how much it costs to take care of a dog and I only got the minimum amount for as long as it was legally required of him. I don't get health insurance but his sally on the side gets a dog. I have had it. I can't take any more of his lies. I have taken small inconsequential steps like unfriending him from facebook but still answer the phone when he calls. I feel an obligation to continue contact with my father. I hound him about paying child support on time, I call him about important events and information, I ask the questions. For my mother's sake I feel I should swallow my true feelings and continue a relationship but for my own sake I want to cut him out of my life. My father never hit me or hurt me in any way other than emotionally. Am I being too sensitive? Should I suck it up and deal with my issues? Or should I follow my brothers lead and cut him out?
Should I cut my mom out of my life?
Well, the most important thing right now is for you to start to heal. Only you can decide if cutting your mom out of your life is what you need right now. But my thinking leans toward it being a good idea, at least for now. Obviously your mom is a very damaged person. That is why she ran from one abusive relationship straight into another. It's all she knows, and out of fear of the unknown, she will defend her bad decisions until she learns to do things different, and I suspect that she isn't ready even to try. But you are. You can blame your mom for the lousy childhood she created for you. But I suspect that you are now entering adulthood, and so now the rest of your life is up to you. So leave your mom behind as you start your journey to a better life. That way it will be easier, and you probably will need all of your energy looking after yourself for awhile. Once you find yourself standing on more solid ground you may be ready to spend some time with your mom for short periods in the future. But for now, look after yourself.
Mom treats me like a doormat! Should I cut her out of my life?
I'm a 25-yr-old guy. Parents split when I was 9 & I was mostly out of touch w/ my mom from when I was 16-21 (her BF wanted me out & I was happy to live w/ my dad & stepmom). After my parents split, living w/ my mom was terrible: most of the time she ignored me & was kind of a "party girl. At least a dozen men came in and out of our lives. We got back in touch & *sort of* buried the hatchet just before I finished college. I got a job nearby not long after & we've become close. For all her faults, she has a way of making me smile & cheering me up when she wants to, she's great to talk to, & she's been really supportive/affectionate in a way she never was before. She's fun too: sometimes more like a friend my age than my mom. But...she never acknowledges her wrongs as a parent. If I try to confront it, she hangs up (if we're on the phone) or says something like, "I have better things to do than hear you whine about me". Her attitude is very "get over it or f' off." She also "borrows" money from me: close to $2500 over the last 2 years. I have student loans, so it pinches! Like my childhood, she makes me feel like I can't bring it up. She has a way of being hard to say no to & making me feel like crap if I do: like an unspoken bargain that we get to have a good relationship as long as I'm a doormat. Should I say goodbye? I love her a lot & losing her would be like losing both my mom & my best friend. Maybe my one-sided relationship w/ her is better than none? :-(
Should I cut my mom completely out of my life?
I've always had problems with my mom. I just found out I am 10 weeks pregnant and after a miscarriage I couldn't be happier. I went to go visit my mom the other day and when I got home she started texting me all of this crap. My mom is extremely religious. She started accusing me of not believing in God, having demons, being "hard". After no response, she texted me accusing me of stealing from her when I was a teen. I've never stolen from her. She then texted me the next day and said her family who I live by told her I was talking bad about her and I need to learn how to treat someone. And she didnt expect a response because I wasnt good enough to respond. I keep telling myself she is my mom and I only have one. But I am trying not to stress myself out and have another miscarriage. I don't respond because it will lead to an argument and her accusing me of stealing and being a demon. I'm so confused. I love my mom and I thought we had fun when I was there but it turned into a huge fiasco. My fiance has told me for years to cut her off because it stresses me out so bad and she causes horrible scenes. What do I do? Anyone have experience on this?