How old is too old to change a child's name when you adopt him/her?
We are not actually ready to adopt yet. Names are just very important to me, and it is honestly the only thing holding me back from adopting. I want to pass that gift to my child-a thoughtful, loving and strong name. But at the same time, my husband and I want to consider children older than babies.
I’m adopting my foster child. Should I rename her if this little girl is named after an illegal drug? I want to try my best to keep her identity hidden.
I think this depends on three factors:What is her name? Is it Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy, or Crystal? Or is it some more obvious drug reference? If it is obvious, you have to change it - unless she strongly objects. But really, no one is ever going to know that little Mandy is named for MDMA. Change Crystal’s middle name from Meth to Lee and no one will be the wiser. You can fix a poor spelling, which will preserve the name, but help keep her identity hidden.How old is she? Is she old enough to have an opinion? Young enough to forget about this unfortunate name entirely? If she’s a toddler, call her a nickname, so she is used to it, then make the legal change to something the nickname goes with.Does she want to change her name? Often, children have their identity tied up in their name, and when they are adopted, they are already losing a lot of their previous identity. It’s best to hold on to what you can, unless her name is Cocaine.
When adopting a child, should you change their name?
I adopted a newborn. Since we have an open adoption, we discussed names with my daughters birth mother.We asked her to pick the babys middle (ultrasound couldn't visualize the gender/ sex, so we had two ready) As for children adopted beyond the newborn stage who have a name, the general sense I get from most social workers is that the older a child is, the more they discourage the first name being changed.We had a disrupted adoption of a toddler boy from Guatemala and we intended to keep his first name, in part to honor his culture, but give him a middle name from my husband that has been passed down for generations. His name was Edgar ( but with Spanish pronunciation) so we thought he could be Eddie.I am of the school of thought that a first name change for a older child is too much. Although it was chaotic, they had a life before being adopted, and their last name is going to change.However, my best friend has adopted 6 children from foster care. She and her husband have changed all of their names, with the philosophy that its a new start. The ones that were older they had participate in choosing a new name, if they wanted. One of their sons was 5 when they began fostering, and 7 when they adopted him. He wanted his name to be Ocean. They worked with him to make that his middle name.Every person I know has adopted from another country has either kept the name, or used the first name as a middle name.If you were asking my opinion, I think changing a name beyond the newborn stage is disruptive, but there isn't research that I am aware of that supports my position. Its simply a philosphical stance.Michigan has a wonderful state state senator named Hoon-Yung Hopgood. He holds the senate seat once held by his adoptive father. He has spoken to adoptees and adoptive families about his experiences. He has two siblings who have Korean first names. Biography of Hoon-Yung Hopgood https://www.mnadopt.org/-content/uploads/2014/03/Naming-Your-Adopted-Child_Guide-for-Parents.pdf What's in a name? For adopted children, rather a lot | Fraser McAlpine
If you adopt a child can you change their name?
Unless there is a legitimate safety concern (which is rare, but sadly does happen on occasion) for a child adopted from foster care (I can't see how there would be a safety concern with private adoption or IA), there is no reason to change the name. I believe it is unethical to take away something that does not belong to you unless the child's safety is at serious risk.
Can you pick the child you want to adopt?
Hi, I realize this may seem like an unusual sort of question, but I've never really gotten a straightforward answer to it. Anyways, I've decided on adoption and I really want a daughter to love and take care of. When its finally time for me to get the child, am I allowed to choose the child? It just seems unimaginable that they would be the ones to pick the child for me. I'm going to take care of this kid and love her and try to give her the entire world, shouldn't I be the one to make the decision? How does that process go? Oh, I should mention that I am not planning to adopt internationally so I am not going to adopt from China or Rwanda or any of these relief programs, simply because you have to be 25. I also think it would be quite difficult for a single parent to raise a child that doesn't speak english, let me just say, I think raising a child to be a good member of society must be THE hardest thing in the ENTIRE world to do...I truly think that but I will do it. So how does the process work? Do you truly get to decide which child you want? I've been told they send "referrals" to you..whatever that means...but I've also been told that they only do that for international adoptions, again which I'm not planning to do. Specifically, I really want a nice little girl at the age of maybe 1-3 because I want to watch her grow up and make memories with her. I do NOT plan to give her back to the birth parents once I adopt her.
Why did you change the name of your adopted child?
We picked out names for our adopted children long before they were placed with us. They were family names, and we did not care one bit that those names were going to adopted children instead of birth children.Both of my children were adopted at days old, so it was not a case of a child knowing a different name and having it changed at adoption.Another family member, my late father-in-law, was orphaned at an early age and was placed in the Boston Asylum and Farm for boys in the late 1930’s. He was born Peter Collins. Years later, a great aunt adopted him and changed his name to George Bruce. As you can imagine, this was a conflict for him for the rest of his life. In his obituary, both names were used.Thanks for the A2A.
Do adopted children have to change last names?
When we adopted our daughter her name was automatically legally changed to our last name. She was even reissued a new birth certificate listing myself and my husband as the parents. I suppose we could have petitioned the courts to keep her old last name or done the legal paperwork to change it back to her original last name. We felt that having the same last name as the rest of us would help her feel more like part of us as her new family.Unfortunately 7 years later, she says she hates our last name and wants to revert to her old last name.. She will soon be 18 and if she wants to do this legally I will support her.Whatever her name, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. She is the child of my heart and I will always thank God that I get to be one of her mothers. I recognize she has another mother. If she wants to go by the other last name, I won't say it wouldn't hurt, but ultimately I recognize that she does have two family identities. What is most important is supporting and loving her as she grows into and creates her own identity and place in the world.
Adoption choice? do you pick the child?
1. Can you pick the child? It depends on what kind of adoption is being done. Some foster care offices have "waiting children" lists (www.adoptuskids.org is one). A few international adoption agencies have waiting children lists also. But there can be a question as to how often those lists are updated and whether or not an agency is trying to do a "bait and switch" thing. Most domestic infant adoptions are done when the adoptive family is chosen by the family looking to place a child. Many times this is done before birth, so there is no choice of gender, etc, that is involved. For most international adoptions, the adoptive family is given the name and information on a child, then the adoptive parents have the option to accept the referral or not. Adoptive parents can (sometimes) make requests like age, gender, health conditions, etc. But this isn't like ordering a custom made child in the drive-thru. There are some ethical considerations here. If you want a boy, does that mean you couldn't love a girl? Legally, adoptive parents -can- change the name of the child, but there are some serious ethical considerations with that also. Personally, I think it's important for a child to retain his/her name, unless there is a seriously compelling reason to change it. It's their name, not yours. Birthdays are a matter of official record and cannot be changed. Again, it's *their* birthday, not yours. The only exception to this might be in international adoptions, especially in older children. Many adopting countries do not keep accurate birth records (many children aren't born in hospitals) so sometimes, the date of birth is the best guess. When the child is adopted, there are bone scan tests that can be done to give a better estimation of a child's age. Malnutrition and other conditions can make a child appear much younger than their actual age. In order to change a birthday for a medical reason like this, there are legal statements that need to be issued by a physician and so forth. It's not about just picking a date you like better.