Why Do Some People Say Monogamy Is Unnatural

Is monogamy unnatural for men?

Monogamy isn’t the culprit. Lack of physical intimacy in a monogamous relationship is unnatural for men—and for women as well. If you’re not having sex with your partner, that is for the most part unworkable. You’re not in a relationship; you have a friendship, nothing more and nothing less. Unless both people are completely on board with a sexless life—and some couples simply lack physical desire—it can only lead to heartbreak and betrayal.Most research indicates that human beings are inclined toward serial monogamy, having more than one long-term relationship during the course of our lives. Sure, there are some people who must have a veritable carousel of sexual partners; they are not equipped for any type of relationship. This is okay as well, as long as they’re upfront about it.So don’t blame monogamy—blame the quality and/or nature of the relationship.

Is being monogamous unnatural like many people say nowadays? Should we maintain monogamy in relationships or it is outdated?

“Natural” is wildly overrated. I am typing this on a very “unnatural” phone, sitting on an unnatural sofa, in my heated home, with a tasty and very unnatural beverage in hand. Natural would have me naked out in the weather, it’s chilly this morning, grunting at far fewer people. I wouldn’t have capital letters, or punctuation.Monogamous is traditional, but not natural. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not for everyone. If monogamy really honestly works for you, do it. For me, it would be dishonest. There’s a recurring discussion among polyamorous people about how strange it seems to see so much popular entertainment, movies and tv, theater and literature, where all the dramatic tension and conflict is driven by monogamy. The classic romantic dilemma isn’t a plot point without monogamy. It’s natural for Alice to be attracted to Bob and Charlie, they are both great guys with redeeming qualities. It’s the obligation to choose one that generates conflict, and then she is obligated to be dishonest about the one she didn’t choose. That feels unnatural to me, but for many people, the alternatives are unthinkable. Even just acknowledging that she chose Bob, and is sad about not being with Charlie would be more “natural” than pretending that Charlie is somehow inferior and undesirable.People who practice monogamy seems drawn to cheating. Read the questions about cheating here on quora. If monogamy were “natural”, why would so many people be so motivated to lie and cheat on their partners?

Why do some people say that monogamy isn't natural?

Because it isn’t. Only a handful of animals are monogamous. Most animal groups will have one male and lots of females. The ones that are monogamous will often have social constructs similar to human families.Having said that... Those people are hypocrites. Cooking food is not natural, using a computer, smart phone, phone, TV, etc. is not natural. Reading, writing, talking is not natural. Using toilets, medicine, cars, rockets, glasses, etc. etc. are not natural.Our instincts tell us to do some things but our brains make us stop. We didn’t get this far by following our instincts and been “natural”. That goes also for vegans, and other people that use nature as an alibi for what they believe.Either they go 100% savage, or they accept humans made un-natural rules so we can exist.It is also natural to go in an environment, exhaust all the resources, and move to another place to do the same… That part of our nature gave us global warming, overpopulation, murder, survival of the strongest. Do we really want to act “natural” or should we start using our “advanced brains”.

Why do people call monogamy unnatural?

I feel it is based on the cultural background of your upbringing. We in the Southern Part of India have teachings which preach a One Man One Woman concept of marriage. Each person is expected to be loyal to their partner through thick and thin. To be united and face problems together.But the world today is fast paced. People get tired of things in a short period of time. This mind set rubs onto marriages as well. In the days of my parents, people used to stick together during their greatest difficulties. It was an age when people used to repair and not replace. Our parents did the same job for years together and didn’t complain. But we want “new challenges” after 2 months into a new job. Life then was simple and emotionally attached.Fast forward to the 21st century and everyone wants things to be done quickly.Want to go out somewhere? Uber.Want food? Swiggy!Want to buy toilet paper? Amazon.Want a date? Tinder.Since everything is available easily, nothing is valued. Not even people. Not even relationships. People no longer feel. The live the moment. People have become thrill seakers.People do marry only when they love someone. But once things start to go south, they dont try to come back. Finding someone else is easier than talking it out with your partner these days.This makes people feel it is unnatural to stay with the same person for life. It is not wrong if you feel monogamy is the way of life. The world has changed and is not the one it once was.

If monogamy is unnatural, then why do we have jealousy?

Franklin Veaux has an interesting perspective. Like me, Franklin is also childfree. However, I suspect that those of us without children are more independent and elect relationships purely out of love and not for any utilitarian purpose. So we may find that much nuance eludes us when we look at the population at large.A lot of research seems to indicate that humans are serially monogamous—that is to say, we are not meant to stay with one person for life but with many people for protracted periods of time—long enough to ensure that “issue” (bio kids born of the union) reach a certain level of independence. When we were hunter-gatherers, two years was the norm.Experiencing jealousy is a sign that one’s issue are at risk. Women feel threatened by the prospect of resource (money) reallocation (a mate choosing a new woman, thereby deferring resources that they want to go to their children). Men, on the other hand, feel jealous when they see their women pay attention to other men — this suggests that a child born of the union may not be theirs, genetically.My former in-laws were happily divorced. But my MIL flipped out with jealousy when he married a much-younger woman and had two children with her. This meant that her son (my then-husband) would split his inheritance with half-siblings. I found my MIL’s line of thinking irrational, but many people would identify with her.Jealousy is a very primitive emotion, but it serves its purpose: to ensure and protect one’s issue and the allocation of resources to said issue.

Why do people who say they don't believe in monogamy, go into relationships that are agreed to be monogamous? Why not just be in an open relationship?

As a person who is definitely wired polyamorous, I cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship with a monogamous person. I only have loving relationships with people *who share my fundamental values* and I’d definitely say that relationship orientation (monogamy, polyamory, open, swinging, etc…) qualifies as a fundamental value. It’s not like preferring strawberries to bananas - it goes much deeper than that. I can have friends who don’t share my values, but not loves. It just wouldn’t work for me.I do believe in monogamy - it is right for some people - just not for me. In fact, I would be suspicious of someone who says they don’t believe in monogamy - obviously it works for some people, so how can you say you don’t believe in it? You can say you don’t want it for yourself.It’d be like saying you don’t believe in God and then joining a church.So I have no idea, personally, why someone who says they don’t believe in monogamy would get in a monogamous relationship - fear of being alone, maybe? Not a great foundation for a good relationship. If I were monogamous, I sure as heck would NOT get in a relationship with them.