Why does my feminist wife expect me to do household chores even though I earn 10 times more than her and she is staying in my house?
I am curious what country you live in and what culture you’re from- Because in America, once you and your spouse are married, it’s a total partnership and it doesn’t matter which one earns more money, because you both bring things into the partnership. Did you marry this woman to keep her as your servant in your home, thinking it is still “your” home? Where is the “our” in your thinking? It is obvious that you consider yourself of higher worth than your wife, as a person and as a husband, simply based on your wage-earning. I gently suggest to you that perhaps you are inferior to her on several levels and you have much to learn from her if she is even willing to stick around - but you don’t give her much incentive. What are you offering her in your partnership-marriage? -“Your” House to clean, alone, while you slave away at your amazing job that earns 10x more, and allow her to wait on you hand and foot when you finally return from your long, hard workday and expect to not lift a finger???? If this is what you wanted, why didn’t you just use your big fat paycheck to hire a cleaning service? Some would say you are very self-centered and arrogant to expect your spouse to be happy and content with this wonderful indentured servant’s package you are offering her.I don’t think I am being too harsh when I say: The first thing you need to do is get over yourself. Humble yourself. You think she is so lucky to have you but you have yet to understand that the reverse is true: you are lucky to have HER!The next thing you need to do is WORSHIP your wife and make her feel like your Queen. It will be very beneficial to your marriage.The third thing I need you to do is pick up after yourself and do the basics. You’re a big boy now. You will find that your self-sufficiency in Activities of Daily Living will cast you in a much more positive light. She may even find this attractive.Best of Luck if she decides to keep you!
Do you think Men should share housework with women?
I think that if both work then they should share, but if only one person works then the non-worker should do the housework...it's only fair.
How can and why do men think that household work is women's responsibility alone? How can this be changed?
Because men were never taught so. But time is changing.For at least a generation now – especially in urban India and educated middle-class families – we have raised our girls to be confident and fight for their rights. But we seem to have ignored an entire generation of boys who were not told anything about how their sisters were changing. While we gave our daughters new ideals and role models, no one bothered to tell their brothers that they ought to change too!Girls drive two-wheeler and cars. It is considered an essential life skill. You can often hear dads proudly proclaiming that their daughters can drive very well indeed and they don’t need a father/husband/brother to take them anywhere.However, boys were never taught that cooking is an essential life skill. You don’t see parents proudly saying that their son can cook and doesn’t need a mother/wife/sister to feed him (and keep him alive!). We don’t tell our sons that it is okay for them to be paid less than their wives or stay at home to take care of the kids while their spouses continue to work.Men want to marry a working woman (in theory) but are completely unprepared for the practical reality of a marriage where both partners work. It means doing the dishes or supervising the maid when your wife has a report to complete, it means taking half the day off to take care of your sick son because your wife has an important presentation. It may even mean giving up a promotion or moving to a new city for your spouse’s career.Because we don’t tell our sons all this, they continue to expect that their wife will automatically give up the job/promotion/transfer in favour of the family whereas they will never have to take a step back from their own careers.Boys are still raised the way they were for the last many generations.Women are upset that dinner – and the house, kids, in-laws, maid – is still their responsibility while the men don’t know what they did wrong. After all, they ‘allow’ their wives to work, what more do they want?*Let us not only empower women, but also prepare men to set their expectations right*.
If I am ready to be a house husband, will feminist women marry me? If yes, why? If no, why not?
I am a feminist but no, I won’t marry a house husband (or whatever).The same would apply to me if I were a man wanting to marry a woman. I wouldn’t marry a girl who said “I will be a house wife, marry me”.I work. I earn money. I cook and I can take care of the house. I manage all of this on my own anyway. Why would I want a house husband?It annoys me to no extent when people speak of marriage and discuss chores like that’s the only thing that makes a marriage. Seriously? Chores can be delegated.I don’t need a husband to cook for me or do some chores for me. I want him to be my partner, friend and soul mate. My equal. Share things with me. Someone who would want to spend his life with me. Love me, respect me and commit to making our marriage work. Someone who connects to me intellectually, emotionally and sexually. I will be happily doing the exact same thing for him.Marriage is not limited to who cooks and who does the laundry. Those who do that should hire a maid or buy a washing machine.Who opens the door in your house when the bell rings? Whoever is near the door, right?That’s how you get things done.Marriage is far more than chores. And I would absolutely not marry someone who says I will do “just this” and you do “just that”, whatever that may be.I won’t be having any problem if my husband decides to take a sabbatical to pursue something he is passionate about. I’d provide for the family, I can. But I wouldn’t be interested in someone whose sole qualification is “I’ll sit at home and do the chores, while you provide”, just because he’s suddenly decided he can.
Women, would you be upset if your husband or boyfriend hired a gorgeous maid?
My friend did just that... He even invited me so he could show her off... She is a drop dead gorgeous mexican girl, beautiful face, slim, all the right curves, dresses really nice, etc... His wife wouldnt give him time of day now even though the reason he hired her was to relieve his wife of household duties... Does she have a point? Or is his wife just an ungrateful psycho?
Is it lazy to hire a maid if you're a housewife?
I'm a newly married housewife. I love being a housewife because I have free time to do whatever I want e.g. read, exercise, do yoga, go shopping, hang out with my friends etc. I'm so lucky that I dont have to go to work like other women. Working women always look so stressed and unhappy. I don't have many responsibilites. I love to cook and bake and I always have my husband's dinner ready when he comes home from work. I don't do any cleaning. I think its degrading to be honest, to be on the floor scrubbing floors or even worse toilets, like a slave! I have a maid who comes in every Friday to completely clean the house. Does this make me a bad wife? Am I lazy? I don''t sit in front of the TV wearing sweatpants and eating junk food unlike some women. I take care of my appearance, especially when we're going out, I dress so that all eyes will be on me. I cook for my husband and I have sex with him whenever he wants..
My sister-in-law doesn't help my mother in any household chores ?. Is this ethical?
Even I m working daughter in law . My shift are from 9:30 am- 6:30pm .plus additional 3 hours of commute. My in-laws are not wicked people but orthodox and male centric. None of the male members contribute towards single chores but my husband a bit. It's not their fault but that's how they are being bought up by my MIL .My brother in law comes at 11 pm( though his shift timings are from 10am-7pm but he comes late bcoz of dating scene) but my MIL serves him very kindly. She does too much of household chores despite of keeping a maid for mobbing and scrubbing floors.She even washes their undies. ( expect me to do the same for my husband but thankfully he is mannered in that sense.)Now my In-laws and husband expect me to contribute and help to her. It pisses me off because even I get tired but my husband expect me to go to kitchen and atleast stand next to her instead if lying in sofa. Just because she loves doing soo much of chores that doesn't mean even I love the same. I even asked her to keep full time helper but she refuses. Even I have mercy but she is only one who have spoilt and pampered all male members and consider me merciless for not helping her. I do all my work in morning .I never ask anyone to wash my clothes or cook for me but it pisses me off that still in our culture mothers teach and expect chores only from female member.
What is the best way to convince my husband we should hire a maid?
I desperately want to hire a maid service to dust, vacuum and mop, clean our 2 bathrooms, and wash our dishes--twice a week...but I can't get my husband to agree that it is a good idea. He is convinced that it is a bad idea! He thinks that someone will steal our things, go through our drawers and other paranoid things of such. I know there is a small chance that it could happen, but I cannot think of any strong points other than the free time we will gain from not having to do these things ourselves. Do you know of any strong points that I can bring up or a way to convince him that this is a great idea? He wanted me to add to my details that we have guns in our home. Does this change your mind or our situtation? I believe they should be locked in a safe but he is stubborn. (They are all unloaded/hidden with their ammo on a top shelf in our closet and there no children in our home.) Please help!