My son has no friends. I'm worried about him. What can I do to help him be more social?
It’s hard to make friends sometimes. I honestly have struggled with it a great deal. As a kid Ibwas kind of nerdy and we moved around a decent amount.Here is what I do, though. Maybe it will help him.Dont be afraid to talk to complete strangers. Say hi. Compliment something that you genuinely like about their appearance. Talk about the weather.Go places where people you might have things in common with would hang out. For me this is being in the outdoors. So I would go to a park, the springs, or a beach. I have a lot of friends who made friends playing magic the gathering. I have other friends who meet new friends at musical events.Dress like you want to. Okay, especially because this is your kid and I’m guessing he is a teen or younger, most likely, make sure he feels comfortable in his clothes. My mother would not buy me the clothes I wanted as a kid. I know you can’t necessarily go buy a whole new wardrobe, but make an effort when you can to make sure it’s something they like. My mother knew I liked to wear all black. So she bought me pink and khaki. Don’t do that. Your appearance does tend to attract like minded people. I eventually wore baggy sleep shirts and jeans to school because I didn’t get along as well as I would have liked with the preppy people my clothes attracted and just wanted to be left alone. Now I wear rainbows of color and most of my friends are free thinkers of some sort. I met one friend who I instantly knew I would be friends with because she had blue hair and a fairy on her purse.Bug people to hang out with you. No, not stalk them, but put in the effort to get them to hang out. Friendship is hard. People may not realize you like them, or they may not realize how much you have in common. People get busy and forget or can’t the first few times you ask. Keep trying. You are awesome and eventually they will see it or specifically tell you that they aren’t interested. If the first, you made a new friend. If the second, you now have more time to find new friends. I cannot tell you how important this is. “Well if they liked me they would call.” They might very well be thinking the same of you. Call and find out.
Should I worry my son is too tall?
I am 6'6" and my wife is 6'1", I'm not kidding you when I tell you that I married her at 5'11" and she actually grew 2 whole inches while she was pregnant with our son. We all joke that she had to grow big enough to birth him. My son has always been tall like us, he graduated from high school last spring at 6'9" having grown taller than me at the start of his junior year. He came home for Thanksgiving and I knew right away that he had grown, not a lot, but just enough for me to think so. Sure enough he had grown a half an inch. And boy let me tell you he had gained muscle! Now, I am pretty muscular myself, and he was no stranger to the gym during high school, but he seemed to have exploded with muscles. Not to mention, he told me his feet grew 2 whole shoe sizes, and his hands look pretty darn big to me. Well now I went to his college for a parent weekend. My wife had business and couldn't join me. So I got a hotel room with two beds, and told my son he could bunk with me, rather than stay in the dorms. Well when I got to his dorm, and saw him, I was again in shock! He told me he is now 6'10.5" and near to 310lbs of muscle. We went to dinner, and he asked to go to a buffet. It was a hour and a half dinner with him eating EVERYTHING! The next morning, I woke up early and used the hotel gym and pool. When I got back to our room, my son was still asleep and the sheets had fallen off the bed, apparently my son now sleeps nude. He was on his back with a gigantic erection. I mean I've never been a "small man" but he must have a foot long penis and enormous balls! Not to mention an 8 pack and probably 26inch biceps! He woke up and I told him to put some underwear on. He responded he doesn't fit in any, so he doesn't wear them. I threw him a pair of my briefs and made him try them on. So sure enough they are a size too small. He looked like a porn star with a huge bulge in front and his butt sticking out the back of them. When I was leaving I asked him if he saw a doctor about all this growth. He said he loves being huge, he wants to be 7 feet tall. And, he is taking about a dozen supplements including creatine and injecting HGH. My question is simply: Should I be worried about his growth, and should I be worried about him taking all these supplements?
Needle Phobic Son. Worried Mum. PLZ HELP?
Hi, I have been needle phobic almost all of my life (I'm 35!) but have learned a few different ways to deal with it, particularly when visiting the dentist (he specialises in this kind of stuff)! First, try and speak to the dr/nurse/ped cons in advance of your sons appointment. Get them to keep the needles and syringes out of sight. The longer the visual build up, the worse the phobic reaction. Explain to your son that you get why he is scared and that you'll try and help him through it, but it's important the work gets done. Discuss diversionary tactics between the two of you (iPod playing whilst he keeps eye contact with you, rather than waiting on the doctor jabbing in). Or have an agreement that he keeps his eyes closed the entire time. Repetitive re-inforcement does work, but it feels a little corny. Have him repeat something strong under his breath (Bigger and Better is mine). Numbing cream does work, but remember, it's not the pain he's reacting to, it's the act of the injection. In my rational time, I know they don't hurt, and that the needle is miniscule.In my phobic time, I'm trying to avoid being stabbed. Finally, don't try the 'just get over it' or 'you'll grow out of it' route. He'll just feel alone - I did.
I'm worried my 10-year-old son is a sociopath. He goes to therapy, but nothing seems to help. I'm scared he will be a serial killer. How do I help him?
Have you tested him for autism? When you say ‘torturing small animals’, what has he done specifically? As far as your pets, perhaps you should take his threat seriously, and put them up on craigslist. What kind of therapist does he see? What modality of counselling does this person offer? How do you know that it’s the right kind? Once again, have you tested him for autism spectrum disorders? Regarding other children, part of helping him may be creating circumstances that limit his ability to play with other children. If he doesn’t like that, simply explain the obvious to him; that in our society if you hurt people then you get certain freedoms taken away. If you want those freedom’s back, you have to prove yourself through consistantly acting as expected with the freedoms that you do have, and give him specific examples of the freedoms he has, and what his choices are. There also must be a way to measure success, and failure, and he needs to be able to see where he’s succeeding. Some people lack empathy, but can be still conditioned and turn out great. NPR did an interview with a person who was a sociopath, who was also a psychiatrist who studied sociopaths… You can end up just fine in any condition. Here’s the thing, don’t demonize him. You’ll give him the wrong signals, and too much power. Instead you help him by creating rules and frameworks, by testing him for autism, by experimenting with different therapists who use different techniques (perhaps having him see someone who specializes or is at least familiar with treating autism spectrum kids, or kids that are not socially adaptive). Your son CAN grow up to be a FANTASTIC human being. One more thing, I hate to say it but cruelty is a natural human drive. In most of us, we have enough ‘mirror neurons’ in our prefrontal cortex so that when we have an impulse come up that suggests we act in a cruel fashion, an event is triggered in our mind’s that causes us to feel to some degree what it’s like to be disapproved of, or feel the victim of cruelty, and we adapt our impulse to the situation. If he is lacking in this area, you’re not going to train it into him through expecting him to just suddenly ‘get it’, rather, I suggest that you have him taken to a place where he will be taught “Vippasana Meditation”, as that has been proven scientifically to strengthen the prefrontal cortex, and allow for greater impulse/emotional control.
Finding beastiality images on son's computer? Worried mom?
Disregard what these angry people say. These images you find to be disturbing, ask yourself is the dog cowering before your son or showing any signs of discomfort, and injuries, etc? If no then your son may be zoosexual, which is a sexual orientation just like any other. You need to sit him down and talk about this calmly to him because knowing he has some sort of support may be the best thing for him once he knows you found out. If you fly off the deep end and yell and criticize him for something he may not be able to help, with his history of depression and anxiety you may drive him into it even deeper and he may have suicidal episodes as a result because he may feel it is him against the world. Try to keep him from recording these acts as it may land him in a world of trouble, the suicidal rate for people like him are very high when cornered. If the dog is showing signs of discomfort or is cowering or being edgy around your son, it may be time to find the dog a new home. Being zoosexual isn't a bad thing, we are normal just like you, but if he is having sex with the dog and both him and the dog have a bonded relationship together, it would be traumatic to take that away. Being sexually fixated at that age is normal, most boys in their teen years look at porn, girls too. It is a force that may make you very uncomfortable, but rest assured no matter what you do it will not stop them from masturbating, thinking sexual thoughts, looking at porn or having sex-teens are very crafty when they want to be. It is best to just talk to them in a calm manner, show support and make sure they are safe doing whatever it is they do.
HELP! Found pot in my son's backpack!?
We suspected him of smoking pot (his grades suck, lack of responsibility, etc). He'll be 18 in a week. He came to us last week for help because he's often depressed or worried about everything, so he even agreed to see a counselor to help him. We discussed the possibility of him smoking and his sister said he does. His backpack was in the kitchen on the floor, so first I smelled the outside of his backpack all over and it smelled like pot. So I opened it and sure enough, found the pot and the homemade pipe. So now what do I do? How do we as parents approach him about it?